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| Thu, 07-23-2009 - 2:12pm |
(A self written obituary)
I died this past week. No, not a literal death. I wasn’t buried and no kind words were said. No monument to mark my final resting place. No crowd of mourners. No moment of silence. But I did die. It was a slow painful, agonizing death. It was the passing from one life, into another. Exchanging existences.
I went from being a mother of 26 years to having an empty nest. I know some who do not understand the “mournful†process a mother must go through. After living twenty-six years for a cause, it’s hard to let go. First there was “oneâ€. A beautiful happy little boy. The joy of my life. Then there was three (twins)…all boys…and all mine! But as fate had dealt it, three became one again. Years passed and that one became two. My two sons, my bundles of energy and endless questions. My life was so full, so busy so, purposeful. Then…a blessing, twin girls. Oh a mothers joy to have a daughter!! My life was complete! I had the most wonderful children and my every day and every thought was full of nothing but loving them.
Time passed. Four became three, and then three became two. Those transitions were hard but expected. Boys grow into men, and men must go out and conquer the world and well, become MEN.
My girls however, were strong, independent and smart. I didn’t see them ever leaving me. Not “really†leaving. Maybe moving across town and sharing a little apartment. They would still be here, just not under my roof. But once again, fate dealt me a tremendous blow. Both my girls moved almost 1000 miles away, on the same day at the same time. Removing my heart, my hope and my desire to go on. And so, I died.
Now an empty shell sits here, typing an obituary. Not really knowing what lies ahead; if anything. Wondering why? Why does it hurt so? I raised them to do this. I prepared them for this adventure called “lifeâ€. Why, why, was I not prepared? Why do I sit here and cry? Why did I die? I wasn’t ready! Dammit, it’s not time yet!! I don’t want to let go! I didn’t pass from this existence into a “better†place. I went straight to HELL, and I want to know why?? I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t see “freedom†or a carefree spirit. I see NOTHING, I see EMPTY. I see a vast dark hole of existence that I don’t want to live in. I want my babies back!! I want a do over! I promise I’ll be better prepared the next time, just let me start over!!
Nobody hears, nobody sees, nobody knows but me.
I died last week. I am the only one who mourns.





Absolutely beautiful and poignant.
<3
My baby is only 6 years old so we have many years yet before she flys the coop. Just watching her achieve all these milestones, I, too, want my baby back!