Hope for the........

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2009
Hope for the........
1
Sat, 08-01-2009 - 4:03pm

Hi.  The thing is: I'm not depressed.  I am seriously considering, though, the meaning of my life here on earth.  I hope you will bear with me while I pour out the facts of my life.


I am currently 42 years old; separated (with no chance of reconciling) with a husband who treated me like crap for many years.  I have two wonderful daughters; ages 14 and 8.   Getting playdates for my younger dd is like pulling teeth.  I constantly feel like I have to reinvent the wheel everyday.  I invest time and effort creating or cultivating friendships, but we always have to be the ones to pull the tow to keep it going.   I have trouble keeping and maintaining friendships.  My kids have no cousins; I do not have a good relationship with my parents and have no extended family, save for my two sisters.  All my life, men have avoided me despite my being told that I'm pretty.  I am a caretaker and for some odd reason I keep getting patients who scream at me or try to use me as their maid instead of a patient helper.


I am not trying to sound like I am complaining, but when for the umpteenth time, I am alone with my younger dd on a Saturday and I wonder what my life is about, I have to question my very existence.  Why am I going through this?  Who do I turn to for help?  I try so hard to use my resources to create a good life for my girls, but my money is precious little, I have no friends; very little extended family, what's the answer to my life?  And, I just have to guess that G-d does not like me very much.  Sorry for the rant.  Hope I can get some clarity from any readers.  Thank you.

Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 08-03-2009 - 10:43am

I hear you trying to be such a wonderful mother. Unfortunately, you can't make your children be happy. You can only be happy yourself

**gentle hugs**