Don't know where else to turn
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 08-12-2009 - 10:17pm |
So I guess I'll get right into it... I have bad depression and ADHD. I've been on and off medications for depression for about 3 or 4 years. But lately it's just been worse.
I think the major source of my depression (or what's perpetuating it) is my failed career. I majored in chemistry, but didn't know what to do out of college (I didn't want to go into research at the time so I turned down the Ph.D. programs). After a year or so I started a program for my teaching degree. I taught high school chemistry for about four years, and I loved it, although it's very stressful. I don't mind that kind of stress if it's something I'm passionate about.
Teaching, unfortunately, doesn't seem to be with me. I'm better with the science, the writing, the planning, and the labs than actually dealing with people. I'm horribly forgetful, inconsistent, abstract/random, disorganized... I'm a terrible manager of people and ultimately that got me fired from one job, non-renewed at another, and something kind of inbetween in yet another. I finally gave up on teaching as nobody seems to think I have the management skills to do it.
I was depressed before, but now I'm in a whole so deep I don't even know where to look for a light. I am a person who *has* to have a career, something I'm passionate about. I don't even know what that is anymore. It's humiliating to be working for barely above minimum wage doing something I could have done in high school... when I have a B.S. in chemistry and a masters degree. I'm looking into going back to school for computer programming or something similar (I'm not good with people but I'm good with data analysis and problem-solving, so seems like the way to go) but I have no idea where to start, and I'm scared I'm going to run into the same problems.
I feel like I'm not on a path right now. I have no idea what to look forward to; I gut my way through my miserable job every day with zero satisfaction and when I get home I just want to cry because I know I only have a few hours before I have to get up and do it all again. I can't afford therapy, and I don't have health insurance yet. Even if I did, I've had trouble finding someone good to talk to in the past... I just don't know what to do. I've never felt this directionless... it's so debilitating.
Just wondering if anyone has any advice, similar situations, etc...

(((hug))) I know things can seem so overwhelming at times.
Hi summerjade
First of all I want to commend you on getting your masters degree. That had to take a lot of work and dedication, especially with having ADHD. I have two children with ADHD and they are very bright, but I see the struggles they go through when they are not on thier medication.
I agree with the other posters as far as the medication situation. If you are a little iffy about taking depression medication, at least try to get medication for your ADHD - it might make a world of difference with the difficulties you described having that affected your work. Another thing I would suggest is that when you do see a doctor about your ADHD, get any pamphlets, magazines, websites, any information you can about it-there may be some good suggestions in them on how to work around these challenges.... use those research skills to dig up any helpful information that might help you cope.....
I know an adult woman with ADHD who learned, years ago, to make herself detailed lists of her day such as phone calls she needed to make...so whenever she felt a little lost all she had to do was look at the list and she could refocus. She also used a lot of sticky notes she placed in a certain area of her office to remind her of small tasks she needed to do throughout the day.
Also, if you are unsure where to go with your education maybe you can arrange a tour of the department(s) of the school you're interested in studying at, and maybe even arrange a time when you can talk to the instructors about any questions you have-such as career outlooks after college (a lot of schools keep records of percentage of students employed after they graduate, maybe even what kind of jobs they got) what kind of skills you will need to perform the job(s), etc. When I was looking Into the Graphic Design degree,I was unsure If I really wanted to get into it. I took a tour of the department, talked one on one with the teachers, and learned a lot about the classes I would be taking. After that, I knew it was the field I wanted to go into.
Also i would suggest that you try to find things about your current job that you like or at least think of some new skills that you are learning-something positive about it, and try to think of these things while you drudge through your day. I had this minimum wage job a while back after I had my degree that I hated-I felt humiliated working there...I even had some people I went to college with come in as customers and I had to wait on them. I felt depressed every day getting up going to work. But, as time went on, I started to make friends with my coworkers, I got good at my job, and for the most part the customers were nice. All these things combined saved me from my depression about having to work there.Then the job wasn't so bad.....
as far as therapy i know it can be expensive, but you may be able to find a free support group locally for ADHD or depression. It could be a place to express your feelings and frustrations until you can afford a therapist, or at least a place you can go and hear from people who have similar challenges so you don't feel so alone-maybe even get some advice about coping skills.
BUT most importantly, don't give up! I know you can't put passion into your job right now, but maybe you can put passion into recovering and into taking care of yourself-I wish you good luck!