First time here....just feeling so lost.
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| Thu, 08-13-2009 - 11:56pm |
I'm a 45 year old woman, currently seperated (going on 3 1/2 yrs out of the house). It was a rocky marriage for the last several years, with both emotional and physical abuse (more emotional and controlling than physical). I have a 16 yr old Autistic (high functioning)boy who is the light of my life. Moving out of the only home he had ever known was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do, hands down, and it weighs very heavily on my mind...my guilt for doing that to him is overwhelming at times. Yes my head tells me that it was for the best, but my heart just aches for him because he just cannot understand why his parents aren't together, and I'm constantly bombarded with his questions about this and having to deal with HIS emotional reaction to the seperation, which has been strong. He is so sad about all of this, and I can definitely see a difference in his behavior since the seperation. His Dad has worked hard on dealing with his own issues, and has become a very good Father for our son. I just am having a harder and harder time dealing with MY emotional issues right now. I have tremondous guilt over taking my son out of a beautiful 2 story home on 5 peaceful acres in the country and putting him into a cramped mobile home built in the 60's barely able to accomodate both of us comfortably. I feel like I put MY happiness above my son's and I REALLY don't know how to deal with that. I haven't sought a divorce because of the....uncertanty of how my husband was going to react (I wasn't afraid of him hurting me...I was more afraid of his anger leading to a VERY messy divorce. I knew if I gave him time to get used to me being gone it would be better in the long run, which it has....). I'm constantly worried about money....I have several health issues going on right now.....I was hospitalized last Feb for what the doctors called a 'Rapid Heartbeat Anomaly'....I guess you could say I'm sressed out.....

Deb...thank you for responding....