Need to vent...Feeling hopeless .......
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| Wed, 09-02-2009 - 5:06pm |
.....I hate my life, I feel like a burden to everyone, feel worthless, incompetent, failure.
Nine years ago I was diagnosed and I am still be treated for depression. Medicine and therapy will not pull me out of depression. It is just the way my life is and has always been. I barely made it through school. Couldn't handle college. Failed at every job I have ever had. I have been stuck in a failed marriage for 12 years. My husband makes me hate life more and more. I do and have had suicidal thoughts. My life has always been a living hell, I can't spend eternity there.
I am going to be 45 soon and I have lived my adult life worrying. Never have been financially secured. I hate my house - the way it looks. Life is leading me, I've have never lead my own life.
I'm a social misfit. I can't fit with anyone including family members.
I can just go on and on. I just hate my life.

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I can feel the pain in your words. But you have to remember that you are a precious child of God and he made you perfect in every way! Now can I practice my advice? Not all the time because depression rears it's ugly head and tells me lies.
Someone once told me that when you are at the bottom and you think you don't have anywhere to go just remember the only choice you have is to go UP! Hang in there and keep venting! I will say an extra prayer for you tonight!
I've been there and have felt and am feeling what you described. I've had depression basically all my life and I'm now 22. There are some days I feel hopeless and don't see the point to life. I feel like death or a mental hospital is the only way out. But, then i just remember that there are people here that care about me and want me to be happy. I got a beautiful letter from a friend's sister who recently passed away. She told me that I should choose happiness and do what makes me happy. I am thinking about that tonight in a can't sleep mode and am trying to do things that make me happy. I am back in school after years and finally getting my GED and taking college courses. Right now that is about the only thing that's giving me hope and my cat's. I just got a new one who needs me and my other one needs me too. My mom needs me. And people care sometimes people you don't even realize care but do. And strangers that care and want me to be happy and have a good life. And I hope the same for you. Try to hang in there.
Christina
I relate to your feelings of failure.
Welcome to DS! I am glad that you had the courage to stop by and check us out. It is such a wonderful and supportive group here.
I would not say anything different than what the other posters have already said. I believe you know what you need to do.
We are here for you!
I know exactly how you feel; I'm going through the exact same thing right now.
Well the good news is that you hate your house and the way it looks. That is such a minor thing that it is reassuring that some of the little things bug you too.
I have never been depressed so I can't really know what you are going through but for some reason I am drawn to these forums and people like you. I want to do something for you to tell you that you are not hopeless - no one is hopeless - but I fear you will just say "what does she know. I have never been depressed but I have been faced with all of the the insecurities and 'failures' that you have but I guess my chemistry allows me to push through them and you need a little help in figuring out how to do that.
Can I help? Is there anything I can say that would make you see that there is hope and opportunity around every corner?
Thank you for your interesting reply. You may not know what I am going through, but I do appreciate the offer to help. It is better than no one caring.
I wish I knew what would make me feel better or what would give me hope. I have unrealistic ideas or dreams of becoming financial secure, not rich, just enough so I don't have to worry how I am going to feed my family, or pay for the mortgage and utilities and household and car repairs. My biggest fantasy, my knight in shining armour comes to my rescue.
Thanks again.
Thank you for replying. I can relate to what you are feeling, too. That is excellent advice - surrounding oneself with optimistic people. Even you need to follow that. And not just optimistic, but supportive and understanding as well.
Take care of yourself.
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