wanted to share this

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2008
wanted to share this
3
Fri, 09-04-2009 - 12:03am

wanted to share with you guys this poem i wrote.....

The trouble with happiness is thats in a little red pill
and its not in your body and attached to you
(It's as if you don't deserve it)
its a drifter that comes in and out of your life
....you forget it cant make promises to stay or to keep you happy-
especially if its in a little red pill.

And who needs happiness anyways?

Its better to stay on the bottom
even though you dont float, see the sun, or keep in touch with God
the bottom is warm, safe, and you know the bottom.

I pocket the little red pills and while I'm doing this
they stare at me
glare at me
and say
you know when you start taking me again it will
be six weeks before you see the sun again!
I roll my eyes and think: so is this supposed to make me want to take you?

The little red pills are supposed to be adding to my life and they
just sit in my purse, hidden, a secret......so in a way they are adding.....
more anxiety more guilt-another secret

My moods are secret too
There are lots of secrets on the bottom
But when you've held and gripped all your life thats all you know

Soon i will want to float
talk to god
see the sun
and the little red pills will come out of my purse and ill add them to my body
and then happiness will drift into my life again

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2005
Fri, 09-04-2009 - 1:28pm
I, too, take a little red pill every day.


siggy9-4-09.png siggy 9-4-09 image by suemickeym

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
Sun, 09-06-2009 - 9:53pm
i love that, it speaks to a lot of different aspects of depression. to me it felt like you were saying how the happiness, if it comes in the form of outside help(pills, therapy) it kind of feels like it isnt a part of you, i agree with the line about not deserving it. there is alwas a part of me that feels like if it isnt inherent in my mind or body it isnt something i am supposed to have. i dont know if any of that is what you meant but it touched that part of me. thank you for sharing it...

~Sara~

~Sara~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Mon, 09-07-2009 - 7:04pm

Here's one I wrote when I was in one of my good periods and the meds were working: