In need of a friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2009
In need of a friend
8
Fri, 09-04-2009 - 2:33pm

My birthday is next week.  I'll be 27 years old.


Why is it when you turn a year older, you start scrutinizing yourself?


I feel so lonely, so empty and worthless.  I look at myself and I don't like what I see. I don't like who I am. 


I started trying to make plans to celebrate my birthday.  My two best friends both had several different excuses why they can't make it.  Not such a big deal, right?... well they are my only real friends.  And I realized how pathetic that truly is. 


Why don't I have more friends?  I'm scared to open up to people.  I'm nervous around new people and around groups.  I'm judgemental about others and how they live their lives.  I'M the reason why I don't have more friends. 


I need someone to talk to, to connect with.  My best friends can't be there for me, and I can't talk to my fiancee.  We are as different as night and day; he just doesn't understand how I feel.


I find myself thinking what the world would be like if I weren't in it.  How better off every one else would be.   No one needs me.


I'm almost 27 years old.  I'm not married, I have no children.  No brothers or sisters.   I have two friends.. that's it- TWO.  They are both married with children; they have lives of their own.  They don't need me. No one needs me.  I feel worthless!  I feel stupid and empty and fat and ugly.  I don't fit in; no matter where I go or who I'm with, I feel out of place.  So I usually stay at home.  My fiancee, who lives with me, stays gone most of the time; he says he can't stand being cooped up in the house.  And that makes me feel even worse... because to me, it shouldn't matter where he is as long as he's with me. 


I have so many negative, depressing thoughts in my head.  My heart hurts, and I'm sinking further into the darkness.  I feel so alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Fri, 09-04-2009 - 7:36pm

I'm so sorry you feel so lost.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2009
Sat, 09-05-2009 - 2:03pm

Thanks for your kind words.


Actually, after I posted this yesterday, I felt a little relieved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Sat, 09-05-2009 - 6:42pm

I'm glad you're feeling better!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2009
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 9:41am

I'm sorry to hear you had a bad day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 11:10am

I am feeling a little better, although still tired.

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 10:26pm

(((((HUG))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 11:50pm

Hey...


I totally can relate...I felt that way a few times.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2008
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 6:02am
I can relate 100% to your post. I also don't have many friends. I try but for some reason it just never seems to work out. I also have a fiancee who is never around and sometimes I feel like he doesn't understand me. And I have the same thoughts and feelings like no one would care or no one would miss me. But, then I realize that is not true because you never know who you are going to touch or help and you might not even know it. I go to counseling too and I agree I do not think meeting with someone a every couple of weeks for an hour is enough for me. It helps somewhat but I need something more consistent.