In need of a friend
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| Fri, 09-04-2009 - 2:33pm |
My birthday is next week. I'll be 27 years old.
Why is it when you turn a year older, you start scrutinizing yourself?
I feel so lonely, so empty and worthless. I look at myself and I don't like what I see. I don't like who I am.
I started trying to make plans to celebrate my birthday. My two best friends both had several different excuses why they can't make it. Not such a big deal, right?... well they are my only real friends. And I realized how pathetic that truly is.
Why don't I have more friends? I'm scared to open up to people. I'm nervous around new people and around groups. I'm judgemental about others and how they live their lives. I'M the reason why I don't have more friends.
I need someone to talk to, to connect with. My best friends can't be there for me, and I can't talk to my fiancee. We are as different as night and day; he just doesn't understand how I feel.
I find myself thinking what the world would be like if I weren't in it. How better off every one else would be. No one needs me.
I'm almost 27 years old. I'm not married, I have no children. No brothers or sisters. I have two friends.. that's it- TWO. They are both married with children; they have lives of their own. They don't need me. No one needs me. I feel worthless! I feel stupid and empty and fat and ugly. I don't fit in; no matter where I go or who I'm with, I feel out of place. So I usually stay at home. My fiancee, who lives with me, stays gone most of the time; he says he can't stand being cooped up in the house. And that makes me feel even worse... because to me, it shouldn't matter where he is as long as he's with me.
I have so many negative, depressing thoughts in my head. My heart hurts, and I'm sinking further into the darkness. I feel so alone.

I'm so sorry you feel so lost.
Thanks for your kind words.
Actually, after I posted this yesterday, I felt a little relieved.
I'm glad you're feeling better!
I'm sorry to hear you had a bad day.
I am feeling a little better, although still tired.
(((((HUG))))
Hey...
I totally can relate...I felt that way a few times.