I'm fine usually but.....
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| Tue, 09-08-2009 - 1:55pm |
I do get bad sometimes. We all do right? I'm really well controlled on Cymbalta except for that time of the month...I'm working with my doctor. WE're getting it figured out.
Here's my beef:
My best friend doesn't have a mental disease. Never has had depression. And I get sad sometimes. Usually we take our kids to the park or hang out at our houses every day, but sometimes I need a break from "turning it on" Kwim? And she gets so mad at me. Like I'm doing it to her. On purpose. I mean, wtf? I'm TRYING. HARD!!! I'm doing so well compared to a few years ago....didn't know her then.....I just feel so guilty when I don't take my daughter out to play. I wish she didn't add to the guilt...which as you know adds to the depression!!!!!!
Whew. Getting it out helps. Do you have friends who just REFUSE to understand?
































Welcome to DS!
I am with the other poster, have you talked to your friend about your depression? Inform her about these types of days that you just don't want to go anywhere.
Again welcome and I hope to see you more often.
So I was on Seroquel for a few weeks there and just ditched it as I was losing memory...yikes! I totally did a bad thing: the same friend too. I was supposed to watch her kids so she and her hubby could go to a concert and I flaked.
Here's the thing: She said we talked about it the day before. I don't remember. She says I sent her an email about it. I don't remember and can't find it (I keep them all). She says she called me the night of and left messages. I don't remember and I find no record of calls.
I'm a being an idiot? Yeah, I did a bad thing. I feel terrible. But I had been telling her about how weird and odd and off I felt. How I was hungover until late afternoon. How I was having serious crashes. How I was just not RIGHT. And still she gives me the freeze out for three days. Leave cryptic messages on twitter.
My hubby says just let it go, but do I fight for the friendship of 2 years or let her have space? Try and engage or let her cool off?
I apologize a lot in this relationship and I'm a little tired of not getting any slack for the fact that I have a SEVERE and DISABLING mental disease. Maybe it's not for other people, but it is for me and I'm trying like hell to improve myself and my situation.I'm so much better than I was years ago. I'm fighting like hell against what my brain really wants me to do: sleep. All day, every day: sleep.
I've lost friends before who couldn't handle this disease and its fluxuations. But they were never good friends. Never friends who had been with me for a long time. I can't hide myself from her and the world anymore. I've tasted the freedom of a life on meds that work and my family is thriving because of it. But I won't hide what I am anymore and I don't think I should have to.
Saying "I cna't go out. I'm having a bad day" Should be ENOUGH.
Wow-didn't even know I had all that in me. Thanks for reading and letting me rant a bit. Whoh.