I'm back and in trouble
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| Tue, 09-15-2009 - 7:57am |
My need to return to this board is becoming more and more evident to me as I am slipping into old "depression Sandi"... I lurk here from time to time, and post once in a while, but I haven't posted about myself for years. I guess that I am doing so now because I need to get an ear and response (even one) in order to feel that I am not alone with this illness. There has been a series of events leading up to this new stage of my depression. I was once extremely ill, requiring a person care assistant, developed agoraphobia, and generally unable to cope inside or outside of my home. Thankfully, my med "cocktail" was finally found and gradually I began to get better...although never well enough to return to my profession. (I was in computer management and taught at our state's university)... actually, I've never been able to return to work at all..sorry, I'm regressing. I'll zip to the present. After ten years of major clinical depression, seeing a psych monthly, a therapist weekly, I am now on my 4th day w/o a shower, in my pajamas, and not able to take phone calls, been crying alot, cancelling appointments, and overeating. There have been some triggers: 1.) I tore a ligiment in my knee Aug. 5th which has created much pain, PT and now I think I'll need surgery 2.) my husband and I are not getting along..well.. he's been coming home drunk once a week and generally angry when he's that way, so I kicked him into the guest bedroom 3.) he hasn't worked since Xmas so I am using up my money to support us. (well he's back to school at least, but seems to not only been taking over the house but my computer too.. well those are the big triggers anyway. I missed my last psych appt...and he always spends 75 or so minutes with me, and knew me when I was well..and been there for 10 years....and I know I probably need a med change, but I just feel so down right now that I am shocked! I can't seem to jump start my engine these past few days and just want to stay in bed and watch tv. (oh yeah, can't sleep either). I have a call into my psych and will make a 2nd one this am but needed to get this all out here and looking for a bit of support cause nobody, NOBODY understands like everyone here does. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I know it's just a bad patch and I'll get better again, but right now it doesn't feel that way, and after being so far down that black hole, it's scary to be sitting here on the edge.

Sandi - it hurts my heart to read your post.
I'm so glad you're feeling better.