Self punishment / deprivation ??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2009
Self punishment / deprivation ??
2
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 4:30pm

Does anyone else suffer from self punishment/self deprivation? A friend of mine has recently admitted to wanting or needing something and getting a messed up sense of comfort out of denying himself those things.

Is there any way to help him out of this... feeling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2005
Tue, 09-29-2009 - 9:06am
No experience from me . . . .


siggy9-4-09.png siggy 9-4-09 image by suemickeym

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2009
Wed, 09-30-2009 - 8:05pm
I know about self punishment and deprivation. It comes from a belief that you don't deserve to be loved. You have a low self esteem because some how you were taught to believe that you are not valued. And as sad as it is you are so use to having things screwed up in your life that you are use to being punished and use to being deprived of things that it becomes a way of life and all that you know and all that you are comfortable with. If something truly good happens to you you don't know how to accept it and it frightens you because it is something that is foreign to you. In a nutshell self punishment and deprivation stem from fear. Fear has many different faces. Some of the people that seem strong, confident and full of courage like they have it all together can be tormented by fear on the inside. Self punishment and deprivation can just be another way to show it. Self punishment can also be an unhealthy coping skill for someone that had to survive an abusive situation by taking part in the punishment with their abuser to lessen the blow and to make the abuser think that they were in agreement of him or her so that they could attempt to escape the abuse. The victim learns that the more they agree with their abuser the less angry and violent their abuser is toward them. Sometimes victims can physically escape an abusive situation but the lasting effects of the abuse still hold them captive in their minds and emotions. That is why they participate in self punishment and deprivation. I don't know your friend or his past so I can't tell you what his reason is for this behavior. If your friend has issues that they have never dealt with that run deep and they are not aware of their behavior then unfortnately there isn't much you can do. The best thing that you can do is give them praise and encouragement, be supportive, be a good listener and stick by them. Until your friend changes their mindset and opinion of themselves no one can help them. They need someone to be there to help them come to the realization that self punishment is not ok. Just because they may not be punishing someone else doesn't mean that no one is getting hurt. Tell your friend that you care about them and that it breaks your heart to see someone that you care about destroy themselves.Tell them that they mean more than that. I hope that you found what I have said helpful. I wish you and your friend all the best. Love and Unity, Art4sol