Two & A Half Years....Get over it?
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| Sun, 09-27-2009 - 11:50pm |
I'm kinda new at this so I guess i will just start from the begining. About 2 and a half years ago my boyfriend and I broke up because he was unfaithful to me. I wanted to try to work through the problem , but he dumped me. He just wanted out and needed a reason to break up I guess. I'm still not sure about the whole thing.
Anyways, for the last two and a half years, he has been messing with my heart and keeping me on this short leash because he thinks I will always be there...I'm not sure. But his whole reasoning for breaking up was that he didn't want a girlfriend and then 2 months later he had another girlfriend. This might be helpful too, I must add that he lives right next door to me, which makes it ten times harder for me. I had to watch him have a girlfriend for a long time. I have had 3 boyfriends since then, but I know that the reasoning behind me dating any of them was so that I didn't feel so alone while my ex still had a girlfriend.
Anyways, so he broke up with his girlfriend at the beginning of summer after a year of us being apart and he told me he wanted to be with me again so I get all excited about it. Then he tells me he wants to be single for the summer. I then moved away from home for awhile for college and a week later he got back together with his other girlfriend, so I got another Boyfriend to try to ease the pain. That lasted not very long and I was back to feeling sad about my ex. So then, one of my friends said she had a friend she wanted me to try to date so I agreed to try again. We went on a date and I really liked him, but he didnt want a relationship he wanted a friend.
Then, this other guy I know and liked moved really far away right before we had a chance to give things a shot. Just recently, I have been single for like 5 months now and I am better being single than I was with my last bf, but my ex messed with my heart again and told me how much he cares for me one day and I went home to visit my mom and he had the new gf (the same girl) at his house. This was when I said "I'm done" I can't do this anymore.
Its easier said than done though. I still care about him sooo much and Im afraid I always will. Why is it that he has hurt me soo much but I still care? When I was in high school and when I was with him....there was hardly ever a time where I didnt have a smile on my face, but for the past 2 1/2 years I have been really down all the time, it takes a lot to get me to laugh and smile. I have tried therapy a little and I was taking Cymbalta for awhile, but it didn't seem to help me at all. I am now done with school and I am happy about that, I have a great job, but I ask myself everyday....whats next? I know there is no way of telling things like that, but I am so sad all the time..I cry on a regular basis and I call my friends crying a lot. I don't want to cry anymore. I feel really lonely and I feel like this experience in my life will continue to hold me back from true happiness my whole life. I never feel like doing anything exciting..i just want to stay at home and not be bothered by anyone at all..its all i think about at work and I want to cry there too.. I just dont want to be this way anymore. I don't know if there is anything I can try. Everytime something happens and I get angry at my ex...he always belittles me and makes me feel like I am crazy and that I have a problem. I seriously have no idea what to do...any help would be great! Thanks,
