husband committed suicide tues. help

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
husband committed suicide tues. help
7
Thu, 10-01-2009 - 8:12am
my husband and i were separated but working toward reconciliation. he was staying with his father. he was 36. he sat in his car and took his life with a shotgun. i see it over and over. cant eat. wake up in hysterics. his perfect face. i dont know how to breathe. no one says anything that helps or puts into perspective. dr, therapist, friends, family. his family blames me. how do i do this? i loved him more than you can imagine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Thu, 10-01-2009 - 10:27am

Wow, I am so sorry about what happened. I don't know if I can really say anything helpful since I have never been in such a situation personally, but I will try. I really can't imagine how you must feel right now. I think your reactions are normal and I think this will of course impact you deeply. I don't think you should blame yourself and shame on your husband's family for doing that! What your husband did was his decision and not something you could control. Some people hurt so deeply that they don't feel like there is any way out of their pain. Often these people have great support networks of people who care about them, but they still feel isolated and misunderstood anyway. There is nothing you can do to control another person. Don't blame yourself for what happened.

I think you will start to feel better with time. I hope that your therapist is one that you connect with and will help you get over this. If you don't feel as though your therapist is helping, maybe you can find a different one; perhaps your current therapist even knows of another therapist with experience treating patients that have been through similar experiences as you have. Your therapist should not react badly if you ask for a referral, it is their job to be a professional and understand and they know that they aren't going to be perfect for every patient.

I don't really know what to say. I'm sure everything feels like a chore right now, but all you can do is keep on moving forward. The pain of this event will not go away overnight, but it will lessen with time. You have to continue to care for yourself and make an effort to heal. I hope you have family and friends near you to support you through this time in your life. If your husband's family is toxic, please avoid them. They are obviously going though a difficult time as well and will need time to cope.

I hope you're hanging in there. Try and be good to yourself. I hope your doctor and therapist are helping you as much as they can. Have you asked about medications at all? I really don't know much about them, but maybe there is something that could help you in the short term?

You'll be in my thoughts...




Nikki

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2005
Thu, 10-01-2009 - 2:39pm
Welcome and gentle hugs to you! I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I would not said anything different than the other poster did. Take the time to grieve. Take care of yourself.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2009
Thu, 10-01-2009 - 2:59pm
Hi, Bellasofla! The news that you shared is heartbreaking! I am so sorry for your loss and to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. Unfortunately you have gone through a traumatic experience. There is no quick fix solution for this. You just have to take things one step at a time and deal with this the best way you know how and in your own time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Thu, 10-01-2009 - 4:46pm

I am so sorry for your loss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Fri, 10-02-2009 - 12:38pm

I'm echoing what the other posters said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Sat, 10-03-2009 - 5:23am

I am sorry on your loss and hopefully you can talk about it with loving and supportive people in your life, including grief counselors, or clergy etc.


From my own 2 cents on this subject:

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Sat, 10-03-2009 - 4:47pm
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there were some words of wisdom i could impart here but I think the only thing that might lessen your pain is time. Give yourself the time and space you need to grieve and seek out those people in your life that comfort you. The Samaritans is a group that offers support to those who have suffered a loss like yours---you can just google it. Be gentle with yourself. I will pray for you.