My Anni-Birthday
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 10-01-2009 - 3:23pm |
Hello Everyone. Today is not a good day. Back to the dr for change in meds because I find leaving the safety of my room increasingly difficult. Yesterday was my birthday and 20 year wedding anniversary, a day I have been dreading. No family phone calls, my husband has not even opened his card and I feel so alone.
3 years ago my mother and I got into a small argument which developed and evolved over time. If you dont give her the reaction she wants she gots after you heart and soul and if you aren't with her you are against her. I let her yell at me in my home, I endured her nasty phone calls, she called my faith into question, my role as a mother and wife, and watched helplessly as she drew my sisters in to her web. She then posted on her my space page she only had 3 daughters and described how wonderful they are...the problem is she has 4 daughters if you include me. That destroyed me and I just avoid her...never saying or involving my children or my sisters. My sisters will not have anything to do with me now. I have missed my sisters wedding, the birth of a nephew, and many other precious milestones. I continue to congratulate them for their accomplishments, send them birthday and holiday wishes all which result in horrific emails back. Its kind of ironic, I am the only Christian; my mother claims to be one as well; my youngest sister who is living with her boyfriend is her pride and joy, another jumped into bed with every guy she ever met, and the third cheated on her husband...yet they get all my mothers love and support. I stay true to my marriage, love my children unconditionally and they are well adjusted and "normal" healthy good kids and I am called unfit and unworthy.
I have not felt my husbands touch in over three years...not a kiss, not a hug, nothing. His passion and his life are his computer. I talk to no one about any of this as I am ashamed. I know I am to blame but I dont know how to fix it. I maintain my weight, I try and look pretty, I even bought lingerie all to be pushed away. I have tried talking, screaming, crying, ignoring, all to no avail. Why am I such a failure.
I know I have 3 more weeks of feeling this nlow until the old meds are out of my system and the new ones take hold. Please pray for me.

Happy belated birthday although I know it wasn't a happy one for you.
I would "divorce" your birth family and find a new one.