Is it the blues or depression?
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| Wed, 10-07-2009 - 8:51pm |
Sorry if this is long to read, please bear with me and please help, I dont know where else to go...
For the past 2 months, I've been feeling extra "down", this feeling has been consistent.
It all started when I went away on vacation with a few friends, there were some good times but it was the worst trip I've been on to say the least, there were 4 of us, and ONE girl (whom Ive known for 10 yrs) ended fighting with all 3 of us. She apologized and we made up, I thought I could move on from this, but I feel like I can't. My opinion of her has been tarnished, I forgave but cannot forgive. I feel the result of this trip was my very first trigger to my emotional turmoil.
When I came back from the trip, my parents moved to a new place, even though I've not lived at home for years but to me my parents house was always MY house, after they moved I sort of felt like I've lost a part of my childhood. Oddly enough I didnt know it would bother me so much since I dont even live there anymore, but I had a difficult time adjusting to this transition.
2 weeks after my parents' move, my family dog (who lived with my parents) died unexpectedly from a heart disease, I was completely devastated, I couldnt sleep or eat for days. Losing the family dog was like losing a best friend. I realized another HUGE part of my childhood was gone forever, Ive had the dog for 12 years. I was not prepared for this at all! A part of me blame the new house for his death, he was not happy about the move and was very stressed out to all the changes.
Work is becoming increasingly more stressful and overwhelming by the day, not just me, but my whole department is overwhelmed with workload and clients. I work in the legal field and currently handling over 100 clients when the average is 70. We've had tons of staff meetings regarding this issue and my boss has addressed this with our regional head office but the big boys are not listening, so work keeps piling up, yesterday I almost reached the point of walking out. Im afraid to take vacation time off knowing what kind of work I'll be coming back to.
All of the above has been on-going since July. For the past month or so, I've noticed that I no longer want to socialize or talk to my friends (including the ones I like). I've gone out a few times and did not enjoy it at all. I dread going home to see my parents because I dont like their new house, and I associate my dog's death with that house, I just dont like being there so Im withdrawing from them too. I dread going to work, Im unmotivated because of the workload problem, I dont even know what to take care of first. To be honest, most of the time I just feel like sleeping and doing nothing. I've dreamt about my dog a few times too, and waking up to reality is like reliving the initial moment of loss all over again.
The only person I find comfort being around is my boyfriend. He is the ONLY one I care to be with. He's very supportive and always here to listen to me vent, and he's been there for me through all of this but I dont want to over rely on him because just the other day, he didnt call me until 6pm and I literally had a small panic attack, my heart beat so fast I thought it was going to fall out of my chest! And this was all because I didnt hear from him when I wanted to hear from him!! My reliance on him is becoming unhealthy and I know this! Again, when Im not with him, I just want to lay in my bed. I also find myself crying a lot when Im alone.
I've read some articles on symptoms of depression, but they just seem so generic and so similar to anyone who's having a bad day or week, so how do I know at what point I should seek professional help? Can I just ride this out? Can I get over this by myself? I dont want to take meds, Im against meds, so Im hoping I can get through this myself, but how? One positive thing is I've not had an suicidal thoughts, but to describe the way I feel, I'd say currently I feel like there's not much meaning to my life, I feel empty, a void, and something is missing, or my life has reached a plateau with nothing much to look forward to.
Please, any advice would be appreciated.

Lovelycece - I'm not a doctor, but I think that if you have been feeling this way for two months, then you are clinically depressed.
Start with going to your primary physician to get an official diagnosis. You very well may need some type of medication to help you get over these rough spots.
Good luck and let us know how you are doing.