Feeling really awful

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Feeling really awful
1
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 8:34pm

Hello All,


 


It's been a while since I posted.   Long story short, my husband has been out of work for 6 months, and I only have a part time job with no benefits that I am HOPING will turn into full time... but we are losing clients, and it becomes more sketchy each day.


 


I got on anxiety medicine about a month ago to control sadness, depression, panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.   While it's helped, I still have some really low points.   Last week seemed like a good week.  DH had three interviews, all looked promising, well this week, two have fallen through, and the third isn't looking good.  This has happened OVER and OVER and OVER.    He interviews in spurts, and companies either decide not to hire the position (the most common outcome), hire someone else, or never call back at all.    It's so depressing day in and day out.   DH has been positve  until now, but tonight, he just flipped out, declared he was "giving up".    I tried to comfort him, but I am so depressed, I can't pull myself together enough to be strong.    It's HARD WORK for me not to get emotional.    Some days are good, some are bad.   Now DH has broken down, and I am counting on him. 


 


We have a 6 year old.   I am sure he feels the tension, though we try to hide it.    If not for him, I think I would have committed suicide.   While we have some money in savings, it won't last forever and there is literally, NO END IN SIGHT.     We have crappy insurance we can barely afford, and I have a terrible chest cold that might be bronchitis, but I don't want to go to the doctor.   I know he'll want to run tests, and I can't pay the deductible right now.


 


I try to focus on on the positive, but we JUST CAN'T CATCH A BREAK.    DH is very good at what he does.. I know he interviews well.. but there are so few jobs.. one rejected him narrowly declaring the other person had a "little" more experience in one area.   It's just so competitive... what will become of people?  10 applicants for  ever job.


 


Tonight, I felt suicidal again, and I don't know what to do.   I need to see a counselor, but my insurance doesn't cover it, and I can't afford it.   What do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 5:13am

I am sorry on all the bad times you are having.


Do you belong to a church to call the minister?