WHAT to do!!!!
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| Thu, 10-15-2009 - 3:04am |
Hi
I don't know how to start ... my life seems perfect to everyone from outside. But I am not happy! Does it happen to others?
I am 27. I had a very nice job for 5 years which used to keep me happy. But my health ruined it. I had to take sick leaves all the time. Also I had many surgeries during that time. So finally me and my husband and family came to a decision that I should quit. Even I wanted to quit at that time because work was too hectic and long working hours were damaging my health. I also wanted to plan a baby after a while. So I did quit.
I decided to wait for 6 months to get my health to normal ... which didn't happen!! In 6 months I was diagnosed an ovarian cyst. I was operated and then asked to wait for 4-5 months. By this time, almost a year had passed and I was already getting tired sitting at home doing nothing. It was very very frustrating.
After the surgery, I got pregnant pretty soon. Life was once again happy for me. I forgot the previous year, all the frustration just went away. My baby was my only hope. I badly wanted a baby.
But again my bad health and bad luck were lucky!! I miscarried at 8 weeks. No reason was found. One day the fetal cardiac activity had just stopped. We were devastated. We didn't know what to do! It took me a long long time to accept and realise that my baby was no more with me. It's been 4 months since then and I still feel it just happened yesterday.
Even if I have my family's support... I feel that noone can really understand me in this.
Right now I am asked to wait for 2 months for TTC.
I am very frustrated. I don't know what to do. I can't get a job because of health. There are no part time jobs available. I can't have a baby right now. Even if I get pregnant again, there is no gaurantee that I will have a healthy pregnancy. There will always be a fear of me miscarrying again.
I have tried very hard to get my health to normal. I do regular exercise andd control my diet. But still something or the other keeps happening and then my hopes go down!
I try to keep up my hopes and try to think positive but sometimes I just can't! I feel like I am tied from all the sides and just can't move in any direction. My life has become completely directionless.
Please guide!!!!

I am sorry on the miscarriage.
I agree with Jodie; you have got to get help with the grief over the miscarriage.
thanks! I know talking to others help a lot. I am trying to look for such groups n' forums where I can find people with similar problems. But I can only have online groups ..... there are not many groups around here.
And also almost all my close friends are out of the country for long term. So currently I don't have any friends with whom I can share my real feelings. But atleast I have my husband who knows and understands how I feel and what I am going through.
But still the frustration is not going away. Mainly my health problems are troubling me like anything! They are not very serious except the miscarriage. They are minor problems but they just don't get over. I have to have medicines everyday for something or the other. I am just too too tired of my bad health. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! When am I going to have a normal healthy life which people of my age have! :(((((
Deb, I like your idea of joining some class. I am thinking about painting or a foreign language class. As you said, even if I miss some, I shouldn't care about it.
I hope I'll have people like you talking to me. It helps a lottttttt.
Hey, gal_arj - Nobody knows what "normal" is.
I am sorry for your loss.
Everyone can struggle with depression, no matter what their life's circumstances. I have recently felt directionless. It helped me to focus on all of the little things throughout my day that could brighten my day, rather than the big things in life. I know that doesn't sound like much as far as advice goes, but it really can help.
~