Need help dealing with life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Need help dealing with life.
8
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 2:39pm

Hi Everyone,


I'm kind of new here and I'm having some problems with depression. I honestly don't know when it started or what caused it to start. I just have such a hard time getting out of bed in the morning and going to work. Pretty much everyone in my life is upset with me. My husband gets upset because we need my paycheck to help pay the bills. I haven't worked a full week in months and lately, I've been missing at least two days a week. I either miss work because I just can't get up and go or I have a migraine. I was seeing a counselor. She was the same one that I saw years ago for my panic attacks, but I don't think that she is helping me. She is so insistent on divorcing my husband. I want to know how to get better and although he isn't supportive right now he can be. I want to know how I can get better. Ever since she mentioned me and my husband getting a divorce I can only think if that would make everything better, but I know that I have more going on than that. Yes the fact that he doesn't belive that there is something wrong with me, bothers me. I am just so down about everything in my life right now. I am 30 lbs overweight, have a hypothyroid problem, I get migraines and I have periods that last two weeks. I don't like going to work because all of my clothes are too tight and I feel like everyone is staring at me. My best friend at work just gave her two weeks notice on Tuesday so I don't even feel like I have anyone there that I can talk to. I don't like the way I look, or the way I feel so it is easy to stay in bed with my dogs. When I feel good, everything is perfect, but when I can't get out of bed, I think that I would be better off leaving my husband so that he can find a better wife. But I can't afford to be on my own and I don't want to run away from my problems. I am going to try to get in to see a new counselor and hopefully she will be able to help me. I just need to get all of this off my chest since I can't talk to anyone else.


Thanks for listening and please feel free to offer any advice.


Chris

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 11:49am

Welcome to the board Chris!


I'm sorry you're therapist isn't helping you the way you think she should be and I agree that maybe it's time to see someone new that you can click with better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 3:23pm

Chris, please do work on finding another therapist.

Avatar for julie364
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 5:19pm
I agree with the others that the right therapist will meet your needs. I also suffered from migraines when I was younger. It took a while to figure out. It usually involved a trip to the the ER or Dr for injections phenergan/demerol. I finally was able to associate them with onset of my period and stress. I would have to lie in bed in the dark and unable to move with the pain . It felt like my body was shutting down. They finally got better when I was perimenopasal and was able to clue in to the first signs and treat myself. MY husband was supportive through most of that and then he suddenly was not. Maybe that is when he started seeing other women. I had more stress related illness but did not know what was going on with him. He chose not to communicate with me. I put this all together as I look back. I wish that I had seen a therapist early on. When we go through our busy lives, ups and downs, we often do not recognize those needs. I wonder whether our marriage could have been helped or if I would be a healthier person today had we gone through therapy. Are you on thyroid medicine or hormones? Do they need to be adjusted? Do you go for walks or have anyone to walk with for exercise? I have no one near me to talk to so I always have to reach out to others. I know it can be hard. Is there a woman's center near you that has a good recommendation for a therapist or maybe one of your doctors could suggest a new one. Can you afford a more comfortable outfit for work? You don't need that added pressure when dressing for work. I have always had a big belly since I had my children so I understand the weight issue. I have put on more weight since my husband left me. But I am still going to work on it, not giving up. Today was one of those days I wanted to pull the cover over my head. I want to hide from my financial burdens.I was afraid of bad news today. But I did not go to bed. Some days as women we need extra rest but we need to balance with exercise too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2007
Mon, 10-26-2009 - 3:28pm

I agree that it would be helpful to find a different therapist. Also, does your DH understand how serious this is for you? Even if he doesn't believe it's a real affliction, does he at least have an idea to how much you are hurting? My DH didn't have a clue and was unsupportive until I mostly had a breakdown. I was hurting and preparing to leave my family. Then he realized how severe my pain and feelings were. Even if he didn't understand why, he finally understood that he needed to comfort me. I hope you and your husband can find some common ground. Also, about the migraines...are you anemic? I used to have very bad migraines until I discovered that I was not absorbing iron in pill form. I knew I had chronic anemia. When I started taking a liquid iron supplement (like Floradix) my migraines stopped.

~








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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2009
Mon, 10-26-2009 - 8:43pm

I would suggest before you find a new therapist..since you have formed some type of relationship with this one...have her refer you to a phychiatrist that prescribes medication.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2009
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 11:34am

Hi Chris:

I am new here too. I feel like you too. I am in a new city, I haven't found a job, I haven't had a paycheck since June and its all wearing heavily on me. I always have been a very independent woman with everything going for me. now that I have to ask my boyfriend for money to pay my bills I AM SO DEPRESSED. I feel like I have no self worth. Also I have started a real estate business that has not been successful. I am in sales now (commission only paycheck) which means that I have not collected a paycheck there in a couple months either. I feel like a failure. My relationship with my bf is a little rocky, i just found out that he was not faithful to me in the first year of our relationship and that is killing me. I just feel disgusted with myself and feel very unsuccessful. Everyday there is some new task and a new bill collector for me. I just feel like I can't take it. Fantasizing about dying is what I think about most days. I wish I would get in a car accident or wish that my car would stall on some train tracks. Stupid huh!? Well I know what you are going through and I am sorry that WE are dealing with this stuff. Keep your chin up.. there is no where else for our situations to go but up ... right? :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Thu, 11-05-2009 - 11:56pm

I would like to offer a tip on dealing with migraines.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2009
Fri, 11-06-2009 - 5:13am

Just to let you know the OP may not have gotten your message as you replied to me.