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| Mon, 11-09-2009 - 7:45am |
Trying to get out this dark place that I am in. I have suffer with depression my whole life. But for the past three days it's been very bad. Friday, I was the trigger that sent this all off. For my birthday, I was suppose to spend time with a friend that totaly blew me off and would not answer my phone calls. I can't get into this whole story but I was so hurt and devastated. To say the least, I will never talk to this person again. I thought person was good and cared about me but guess I found out the total opposite. Things got even worst. I then called my other friend to hang out because I couldn't be alone because I was so depressed... We went out to a local bar. We met friends of hers that were the biggest jerks I ever met in my life... She put in a bad situation with these guys that degrated and belittled me. I felt that I was in physical danger. I can say it was one of the worst days in my life... It sent me into a black hole that I am trying to get out off.
Besides all this, I'm at a job that I don't like the people I work for and with... I've been there 23 years and feel that I am too old to find another job and make half way good salary. I'm trapped.. My husband is out on SS disability. I need my job to support my household. Making my trapped feeling about my job even worst. My marriage is just there.. I understand that he cant go to work because of his back problems. But I feel I have all the responsibilities on me. Today I turned 50 which makes me question my whole life.
I don't know what to do to feel better. I do take Lexapro for my depression and Yaz for my PMS problem.. I've been taking 10mg of Lexapro but I'm starting today taking 20mg. Hopefully this will help. I did a one time went to the a therapist but didn't go back because it wasn't doing anything. But now, I really feel that I need to go back to get out of this state of mind. I'm a total mess.... tired because I was having nightmare all night , can't sleep. Haven't been eating much. Just in my room, crying... I am here from some kind of support and help to get me thru this difficult time.

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Hi again, I replied in another name the other day, but am actually the community moderator for many of our Health message boards.
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