DD really hurt me Saturday
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| Mon, 11-23-2009 - 9:31am |
I've posted some about the problems with our former church and how hard it's been trying to find a church for mom, dad, hubby, me, DD and her husband. While in the car going to pick up oldest DD at the airport Saturday night, I stated how hard it will be during the holidays to not have a church home. I'm going to miss the children's and youth programs, the Sunday School party, the sanctuary decorated with poinsettas and the Chrismon tree, caroling to the shut ins, Christmas Eve service, New Year's Eve lock in with teens, etc. I really didn't go into all that I would miss = just said that it would be difficult for me. My youngest daughter went in a very harsh rant and told me she didn't understand why I wanted us all to be together at church. She didn't care where we went to church that she wasn't going to go with us anyway. She was going to go with her DH to his family's church. That his family was there and felt that was important to him so she was going to go there. I can accept her going to his church (I don't like it but I can accept it). What upset me was that she started by saying she didn't understand why having my family at church with me was important but then she stated that she was going to go with him because it was important to him to be at church with his family! She was very short and agitated with me. It is so important to me because I grew up attending church by myself. From the age of about 9 or 10, I walked to church alone and attended church alone until I met my husband. I was so envious of the kids that grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc as a part of their church family to eat with at church dinners or watch their programs. Don't misunderstand me, those grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc at my church "adopted" me and gave me that sense of family but it wasn't the same. I want to see my grandchildren in Sunday School or Bible School. I want to be an active part of this. I want them to see that part of my faith life.
So why don't I just go to his church? Ninety percent of this church is his family. I don't agree with nor am I comfortable with this family. At their rehearsal dinner, the younger teens were doing keg stands with their parents standing right there. I'm not a complete tea totaler; however, I do not approve of 14 year olds having this much access to alcohol. DD's MIL and I had several major disagreements over my SIL's alcohol use while they were dating. It was perfectly okay with her that my daughter was suspended from the softball team in high school because he brought alcohol to a tournament. He went to another school and the coach felt that he was her guest and therefore her responsibility. His mom just said boys will be boys. So I really don't think I would be comfortable with this family at church.
But the thing that got me the most was that she was so angry and hateful with me. I didn't respond becaused I know it will just make her rant worse. So I just sat there for 1 1/2 hours with the tears flowings. I wasn't loudly sobbing but just couldn't stop the tears. She and my husband both knew I was crying but said nothing. After she finished her rant, they just talked about her education as if I wasn't even there, much less upset. We had to wait for a while on the plane (which wound up being delayed overnight) so I simply said to DD, that I wasn't angry just hurt. I was trying to talk to her but she just very angrily said that she wanted to leave that church years before but I wouldn't let her. I do remember several times her expressing frustration with some things and I always told her that if she wanted to look for another church that I would go with her wherever she wanted to go. So I really don't understand her being upset over that.
I also did not grow up with extended family and those activities at church made me feel like I had one. I do think that this meltdown made me realize this more than I ever had. Realizing that made the hurt worse but at least now I think I understand it better.
While I was walking Sat night, I cried to God to make this pain go away or just to let me come home to Him. I would never hurt myself but right now I just want this hurt and sense of betrayal to go away. Thanks for letting me vent. I'm not sure if it helped or not but maybe. I know your prayers will help so please, please add me to them.

I am sorry about all of it.
Thank you and I know in my head that you are right but in heart this hurts.