Hurting in my life.....
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| Wed, 11-25-2009 - 8:30pm |
I'm not depressed, so I hope that you don't mind if I post here, but I am going through a period of my life where there is so much anguish. Maybe someone here can offer some insight for me.
I feel like nothing is working out for me. I have no friends right now, any type of support I try to scrape up disappears before it even pans out and it's killing me. I have two kids, am a single mom and feel very alone. I try to make friends and it works out for awhile. Then somehow it disappears.
I know I said I was not depressed and I'm not, because I do enjoy life but if it wasn't for my children I don't know what I'd do. Does G-D even love me? I don't think so. He's never given me any person to love me, my friends are not consistent, every person in my life has used and left me. My two joys in my life are my kids.
As much as I look forward to things in life and work on them to make them better, I keep wondering where G-D is and what does he think of me. Where is the love in my life? I wish that there was a way to figure out these answers. I truly believe that people can heal their mistakes and create a beautiful life, but until I figure out what the problem is how can I heal it? I truly feel heartbroken and am mourning for a life that I want to create but need to fill this hole first.
But where is the love for me? Every day I wonder this and every day my life is filled with bitter pain. Please don't try to tell me I am depressed; generally I am a happy person, but the circumstances in my life are making me take a good look and wonder how I can fix this.
Please don't take what I said personally; I have nothing but love and compassion for people who are depressed and I don't mean any disrespect by saying that I am not, it's just that I know the symptoms and I know the bodily feeling that depression creates, and I know that that is not my problem at the moment, but my life situation is. Thank you for any help you can send my way. Happy Thanksgiving to all.

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Hi Loving Soul,
What is it like for you to go through days not knowing that anyone is there for or can be a source of strength for you? That sounds so painful. I'm sorry that you are struggling in the midst of this and sounds like you have been struggling for a long time. What's that like for your children? What do wish could be different?
One thing that I can tell you is God hates abandonment. He hates that the human heart seeks self-interest and drops others at a dime when it isn't convenient for them anymore. He hates when they disappear after they have exhausted everything they could gain from a person. He hates it because that is contrary to His character.
Happy Thanksgiving and I look forward to hearing more about your life.
Y
I woke up in the middle of the night and happened to see your posts. I have been struggling with this for a long time, but I do not feel sorry for myself. I don't like it when this is seen as something to feel sorry for. The thing is, I know I have the power to change this. I feel like I have the tools to overcome this. If I have problems with friendships, whose fault is that? It's obviously something I have to work at.
Also, when I said heal the mistakes, what I meant was that I believe that people have the power upon closer inspection to change some of the life circumstances that might be blocking their way to inner happiness.
I hope I can get some thoughts on the matter and feedback. Thanks.
Let me make sure I understand what you are saying. You don't feel sorry for yourself because you don't think anyone has wronged you. It is your responsibility to create happiness for yourself and you believe you are capable of doing so. Is that right?
If I am understanding you correctly, I have this question for you: if you believe you are capable, why do you ask "why wouldn't God send anyone to love me?" Why do you ask God to send someone to love you if you think it is up to you to make yourself lovable?
What do you want God to do for you? You said you wanted to know what God thinks of you, well... what do you think of God? Does He have control over your life or doesn't He? Can He save you or can't He? Is His love for you unconditional or do you need to be lovable in order to be loved?
This is what I hear you say, on the one hand, " If I work hard enough, I can make people love me.". But one the other hand "I can't fix this because no one loves me."
yc0612, I think you nailed it with those questions.
"If I have problems with friendships, whose fault is that? It's obviously something I have to work at."
If you have problems with friendships, it could be because you have trouble with intimacy, it could be because you hurt people in ways you aren't aware of, it could be because you are too self-centered and you drain other people, it could be because you don't know how to connect with others, it could be because of a million different things, but none of these things are within your power to change.
So once again, i must challenge your thinking. Who's fault is it? It is your fault. Is it something you have to work at? Not on your own. Just because you made the mess doesn't mean you can clean it up.
I am in agreement with what Deb said -- you need to surrender the idea that you can fix everything if you want it badly enough.
God has a greater vision than what you have in mind. He isn't just going to send you someone to jump-start the process because you already have the tools within yourself to work out the rest. Your problem requires a complete recreation that only He has the power accomplish. Therefore, as long as you continue to hold on to the idea that you can fix yourself, you are rejecting what God has for you. God loves you too much to let you settle for anything less than what He wants to give you, but you only want love the way you want it.
I have to say to the two people that have replied to the posts: you really give bad advice. I was just looking to come to a place where there is some support and you sit there and analyze every word I have written. You are not in a place to do that; I am sure you are not analyzed for what you write here. What I was trying to say was that I am an incredibly positive person but have gone through a lot and I don't feel sorry for myself. My connection with G-d has basically left me wondering why I am hurting so much. Why do you take people's words and try to interpret it in your way?
I am sorry I wrote here. Clearly this is not the place for any type of support, though I was expecting to hear from the community leaders. Don't try to interpret someone else's thoughts or motives. Just try to provide some comfort, maybe. yc0612, you're not a therapist, as far as I know, so don't try to behave like one.
lovingsoul,
I don't want to interpret your words my way. Maybe a message board isn't the best place for this kind of interaction because you don't get immediate feedback from the other person. I'm sorry if I have made you feel misunderstood and analyzed. I guess I don't understand what you are saying.... sometimes, in order to get to the bottom of a problem with the help of others, you have to understand yourself and be understood by others. I know the previous posts probably didn't help you at all, but maybe they could serve to help you understand what ISN'T your problem so you can better isolate your problem?
What kind of comfort are you looking for? You have made it very clear that you don't want anyone to feel sorry for you, you also don't want anyone to misinterpret you. I wouldn't want these things for me either, and I certain did not mean to make you feel like I was feeling sorry for you or tried to misinterpret you. Maybe you could further clarify yourself if you feel misinterpreted?
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