Need help, terrified to ask
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| Sat, 11-28-2009 - 3:02pm |
I know I have been dealing with depression for quite a few years now, but I can't seem to summon up the courage to ask for help. I'm not even sure where to start my story.
I went to my doctor two weeks ago for my annual check up. She asked me how I was doing, and I thought this was the opening I needed to say something. I told her I had been depressed, but at the last second I chickened out and said that I felt better now. That was a lie. I do not feel better at all.
I literally have no friends, I haven't been on a date in four years, and I feel like I have nothing to look forward to in life. Surely this is depression, because if it is normal to feel like this, I can't imagine how people survive. Also, I'm either overwhelmingly shy, or I have some type of social anxiety disorder thrown in for good measure. The thought of talking to someone makes me half sick. I even had a hard time posting on this message board, and it is completely private!
To add one more complication to the mix, I do not have health insurance. There's just no way I can afford medication and counseling. I'm hoping that someone here can please give me some advice. I don't want to live like this anymore, but I can't seem to seek out the help I know I need.

Criostiona,
Welcome to the board!
You came to the right place; it really helps me to read the posts and write to people.
Thank you for the welcome Deb and Heidi.
To answer your questions, I live in a very small town. There aren't too many counselors, however, I did find out that the health department offers counseling. I'm not sure what other services they might offer.
I have not told a soul how I have been feeling, even though I still live with my parents. I'm so afraid to say anything. What will they think? Will they be angry? Disappointed? I don't want them to blame themselves and think they did something wrong because they have been the best parents ever.
Additionally, about ten years ago I was diagnosed with anorexia and depression. I went on an antidepressant and received counseling for about two years until everything seemed better. I guess this is something I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. I just don't understand why I can't take that extra step I need to get help. I know I need to, but I always either chicken out or seem to come up with some excuse why I can't.
31 Million Seconds
I think you should tell your parents how you feel, especially since you have been in treatment before.
Thank you for the advice everyone. Just as an update, I have not said anything to my parents about how I have been feeling. I can't help but thinking that I will ruin Christmas if I say anything now. I'm also so busy with work right now; I'm usually working about 6 days a week. I have no idea when I would find time to attend therapy.
I just can't seem to understand my own thoughts. Am I making excuses because of the depression? How can I ever get help when my social anxiety makes me terrified to talk to someone?
31 Million Seconds