Need help, terrified to ask

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2009
Need help, terrified to ask
6
Sat, 11-28-2009 - 3:02pm

I know I have been dealing with depression for quite a few years now, but I can't seem to summon up the courage to ask for help. I'm not even sure where to start my story.

I went to my doctor two weeks ago for my annual check up. She asked me how I was doing, and I thought this was the opening I needed to say something. I told her I had been depressed, but at the last second I chickened out and said that I felt better now. That was a lie. I do not feel better at all.

I literally have no friends, I haven't been on a date in four years, and I feel like I have nothing to look forward to in life. Surely this is depression, because if it is normal to feel like this, I can't imagine how people survive. Also, I'm either overwhelmingly shy, or I have some type of social anxiety disorder thrown in for good measure. The thought of talking to someone makes me half sick. I even had a hard time posting on this message board, and it is completely private!

To add one more complication to the mix, I do not have health insurance. There's just no way I can afford medication and counseling. I'm hoping that someone here can please give me some advice. I don't want to live like this anymore, but I can't seem to seek out the help I know I need.

I blog all about it:
31 Million Seconds
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Sat, 11-28-2009 - 4:55pm

Criostiona,


Welcome to the board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Sat, 11-28-2009 - 6:56pm

You came to the right place; it really helps me to read the posts and write to people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2009
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 7:29pm

Thank you for the welcome Deb and Heidi.

To answer your questions, I live in a very small town. There aren't too many counselors, however, I did find out that the health department offers counseling. I'm not sure what other services they might offer.

I have not told a soul how I have been feeling, even though I still live with my parents. I'm so afraid to say anything. What will they think? Will they be angry? Disappointed? I don't want them to blame themselves and think they did something wrong because they have been the best parents ever.

Additionally, about ten years ago I was diagnosed with anorexia and depression. I went on an antidepressant and received counseling for about two years until everything seemed better. I guess this is something I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. I just don't understand why I can't take that extra step I need to get help. I know I need to, but I always either chicken out or seem to come up with some excuse why I can't.

I blog all about it:
31 Million Seconds
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 7:58pm

I think you should tell your parents how you feel, especially since you have been in treatment before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 11:02pm
I'm so proud of you for checking into therapy through your health dept.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2009
Thu, 12-03-2009 - 10:26pm

Thank you for the advice everyone. Just as an update, I have not said anything to my parents about how I have been feeling. I can't help but thinking that I will ruin Christmas if I say anything now. I'm also so busy with work right now; I'm usually working about 6 days a week. I have no idea when I would find time to attend therapy.

I just can't seem to understand my own thoughts. Am I making excuses because of the depression? How can I ever get help when my social anxiety makes me terrified to talk to someone?

I blog all about it:
31 Million Seconds