Another major thought

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Another major thought
3
Sat, 11-28-2009 - 10:37pm

All this week, I've been giving a lot of thought to my reaction to my DH's lack of reaction to my recent meltdowns.  He just tends to ignore them as if nothing is wrong.  Last Saturday night on the way to pick-up oldest DD at the airport, youngest DD said something that brought on some tears that lasted for a couple of hours.  Instead of telling me it's ok or he knows I'm hurting or


Looking back over my life, I'm not sure I've ever felt like anyone had my back and maybe that's one of the reasons the thing with the church has hurt so bad - I always felt like someone at church would be there to support me.  But to my knowledge only 1 college student said anything to the pastor about his behavior.  When I was a child, I was molested over the course of several years by an older brother.  I tried to tell my mom and started by mentioning this brother's army footlocker full of porn.  Mom's response was simply that boys will boys.  Well to a young teen, this stopped me cold in my tracks and the abuse continued until I ran away one night when the parents were out of town and I was left in this brother's care for the weekend.  I was 15 and didn't come until I knew my parents were home. 


Later on when I was a young adult and my DH was in the midst of his drinking, I asked him to leave.  He went home to his parents.  I called my Mom and she was at their lakehouse.  She couldn't be bothered to come to be with me and my then 3 year old.  After 3 weeks, my mom still had never asked why he was gone or how I was doing or if we needed anything.  She simply asked me how long did I expect him to wait around on me to come to my senses and take him back.  So I did.


When my car was run off the road by a school bus, DH yelled at me instead of asking if I was ok.  The car had run off the road and into a ditch turning on its side and he yelled at me.  This was so typical of his behavior for many, many years.


Then when the preacher called me a liar, DH and my father both stated that they were going to talk to the preacher but neither did.    There were other people in the room when he said that.  Some of them had known me for 30 years and no one said anything.  They had only known him a few months.  I know you guys don't know me but I am an honest person.  I don't intentionally lie. 


So, maybe the whole abuse and marital problems and lack of support from parents and DH is the reason why this whole thing at church has me so upset.  Boy is the therapist in for it on Tuesday!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 4:59am

Lia: I sure hope you print your posting off and read it to your therapist as I know for me so much of my baggage is so intertwined and related and almost like a domino effect.


I am sorry on the insensitivity of your mother and her choosing not to believe you or be there for you.

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 11:15am

Lia,


I am sorry you are going through so many things right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2009
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 12:38pm

Your post caught my eye so I read it twice. My family is my trigger as well. We were kids and no one stood up for us and now we are pissed cause we are good people who are in need of someone to stand up for us cause we can't. I too would rather that I had no family somethimes. Makes me sound like a bad person so I have to beat myself up for that. Will the guilt and anger ever go away? LMK I hope a little luck is coming your way


Like me your family is whacked and as long as we don't expect any thing we won't be let down. Hurts to the bone. You have a lot on your plate and good luck with everything.


Chin up the best revenge is being happy

Biker Angie
Biker Angie