DEPRESSION HITTING HARD!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
DEPRESSION HITTING HARD!!!
7
Tue, 12-01-2009 - 10:27pm

Hello,

I have posted here before but it has been awhile since my last post.

There has been a lot going on in my life....bad things....things that have made me feel like I dont want to go on living.

Sigh!!!

Long story but.....lost my mom 4 yrs ago, lost my brother last yr, marital separation 4 mos ago and at the same time I got laid off from work. Was unemployed for 2 mos w/NO income....and I have a teenaged son. My ex moved out...got an apt. and cant help financially because the $ isnt there. I got turned down for unemployment due to the circumstances of my previous job. My finances were shot!

I got a new job on Nov. 3....its not going well. A VERY fast paced cut-throat kind of environment. Im the newbie...so of course I get 'dumped on'.....getting blamed for things that go wrong that started when i wasnt even working there....long story! I had 4 days of training and was let loose....w/no direction or help and I have no experience in this field. Even so, I have given my best effort and even stay late alot to try to catch up and get a grip on things. I might also add.....the job is nothing like they posted in the employment ad..but I said OK...I need a job desperately so we can eat so just go w/the flow!

Anyway, I am totally miserable and feel like there is NO USE!!!! I feel NO ONE cares......I dont have much family and so called friends usually dont want to have anything to do with you if you're down and out. The emptiness hit me on my way home tonite....I have no faith left in anyone, no one to turn to, no hope, no joy....I have nothing left.

Thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2009
Tue, 12-01-2009 - 10:53pm

I am sorry for all the losses you have had in the past few years.

siggy waterfall
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 9:20am
Sending you a big hug!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 9:41am

cl-sunset5000.....thank you!

I am on anti-depressants....however, the pharmacy got mixed up and didnt fill my prescription so I havent taken it in a week now. I am picking it up after work today. I am also on xanax because I was having anxiety attacks.

Yes....I know I have to hang on but I just feel like putting one foot in front of the other is too much. I dont belong to a church but I was going to marital counseling when me and the ex were trying to work it out. Well....it was free counseling thru the church and after we broke up I tried to continue but the counselor kind of blew me off and gave my slot to someone else....WOW!!! So, I got discouraged and didnt call back. I guess it was just for couples. I cant afford regular counseling....can barely afford to buy food and take care of my son. That same church has a grieving group I believe at nite. I was thinking of going to that.

I dont have anyone to talk to.....well, I do have one friend who has shared some things with me about her life. I trust her. I have talked to her but not in depth. She has 2 young children so its hard. Other than that, I dont have anyone. I have a sister but she has been distant. As i go thru this, I realize lots of people just dont want to be bothered with you if you're struggling. Who knows why.

Thank you for your feedback. I will try to come up w/something to make things better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 9:42am

Thank you for your hug Tobylady!!! I can use all the hugs I can get!

I am trying to get thru this....one day at a time. I have to be here for my son....he's 17....but he'll always need his mom, right?

Thank you again! xoxox

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 9:55am
you can't just stop taking anti depressions....i switched from paxil to wellbeutrian w/o weening and it was not a good scene...i was psycotic.... had to go back on them and then ween off
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Thu, 12-03-2009 - 10:24am

cedar04.....I figured that. Im taking them now....gonna try to keep it going. I was so upset when the pharmacy messed up my prescription.

Thank you for your comments. Yes, I know this will pass....and no it wont kill me. The emotional pain, tho, is so intense. One day at a time I guess.....the job I have now is ok but not for long term. I will keep on my journey.

Thank you! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Thu, 12-03-2009 - 12:12pm

pmw730, I agree with the others about getting on medication right away, but when I read your post, I thought, wow, anybody would be depressed at getting hit by all that at the same time!