Hi and need support

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Hi and need support
6
Fri, 12-04-2009 - 12:59am

Hi,

I got laid off after having my baby 17 months ago. I am married to a non-practicing attorney because he has been unable to pass the bar in our state. I had a ridiculously hard life including being homeless at one point but I survived. I am now in my mid 30's and for the past ten years I have been able to get my MBA, get my credit on track and had a wonderful rating, get married, and have my son unexpectedly. I was told I couldn't have kids the regular so he was a pleasant but unplanned for surprise.

Before finding out I was pregnant with him we had purchased a couple investment properties. Well now with me not having a job, my husband only making $25 K per year, I find myself on WIC to help take care of my son. We apparantly make slightly too much for food stamps so that is out. My debt is out of control because we have been living on credit cards that we can no longer pay. We were able to sell one of the properties but we still have one more with a tenant that is now 7 months behind in rent. Sigh... I just feel like my entire world is falling apart. I always feel like I am 2 minutes away from a complete nervous breakdown.

I just want to figure out a way to cope. We do have health insurance through my husband's job but I can't afford the co-pays to go see a therapist. I no longer qualify for unemployment compensation. I have been trying to do positive things like work out every day but I still have trouble sleeping. I am still much larger than I was pre-pregnancy so I get sick of looking at myself. That doesn't help with all these feelings of sadness.

I feel completely worthless and like I have no control over anything. It just seems like the harder I try and the more I hang in there and believe the worse things get. I really don't know how much longer I can hold it together. I just want to go somewhere and get away from it all but I can't because I can't afford it.

The bright side to all this is that my husband is taking the bar again in February. Hopefully he passes this time. We would know by about May. I have also applied to an alternative certification program to become a school teacher that would have me in the classroom full time by next fall but I don't know if I got in yet. I figure if nothing else works out, teaching will be a way to stabalize my finances once and for all. The starting pay is less than half of what I used to make but some money is better than none and I have done training for a long time so I actually enjoy the classroom.

In the meantime, the credit I worked so hard to build looks like it is going to go straight into the toilet. I feel like a complete loser. I just keep hoping that our financial situation will turn around before my son notices what huge disappointments in life his parents are. With all our degrees we are practically destitute. It is just so sad and keeps me awake at night. I am running out of answers.

Sorry for rambling. I am having a hard time keeping my thoughts straight these days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Fri, 12-04-2009 - 1:06am
I forgot to add that my 81 year old father in law lives with us too so that is always a stressful situation. It was MUCH easier to handle when we didn't have all these other issues to worry about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Fri, 12-04-2009 - 10:21am
Hi!
You really are holding it together, and you should feel really good about that. You have a lot of real world stressors in your life like so many have these days. But the most important thing to remember is that you can't control the future and worrying about what may happen doesn't do anything but make today harder for you. Try to focus on all you are doing right, working hard to find solutions and taking care of your family. You are a good person! Feel good about that. Try to remember all that you have to be grateful for in your life. Actually writing a gratitude list can be really helpful for doing that, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time. And there are other good people out there that feel for you and hope for positive change to come your way. Please try to make a little time for yourself today to do something positive just for you, like a bubble bath or a good cup of tea and a great muffin or calling a friend and having a fun conversation. I know it's hard to make time for yourself when you feel like you have so many responsibilities but you deserve it! It's great that you are reaching out and looking for help and support. If you just continue to do that, you will find what you need to get through this rough time. And try to appreciate every happy moment and positive thought you can muster, even if they are very rare. Sending you positive energy to make it through your day and keep going. You are doing really well, coping under very difficult circumstances.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Sun, 12-06-2009 - 12:50am
Thanks so much for your reply. It really means a lot. It is so hard to think clearly these days.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Sun, 12-06-2009 - 10:58am

You are not a worthless loser!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 12:27pm
Hi there- just checking in to see how you are doing. Hopefully, you are still holding it together and maybe even feeling a bit better. I have been lately and I'm very grateful for that. Please update if you get a chance.
Jayne
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 4:46pm

Jayne, did you mean to reply to me?