Can I be so sad always
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Can I be so sad always
| Sat, 12-12-2009 - 12:40pm |
I have never been on a website to describe my feelings, or ever discussed any of my emotions with friends or therapist.
But I think I will not be able to function any more and really need help. I might be to emotional I guess I should be grateful for my life but I m not. This year 2009, My last child went off to school, which left my house empty. I was a very invloved mom, girlscouts, boy scouts, PTA. worked full time and kept a warm loving home. Although my husband and I have been married for 30 years, its a love less marriage. We lost our home in MArch, my home i loved so much, that defined me. In April, I lost my job, that I worked very hard at, and very at a pretty good level. My husband hadnt been working for 5 years..unable to establish anything concrete. I started menopause as well, which might have also thrown my hormones through the roof. I cant talk to friends they dont understand, cant talk to my mom whom i love but shes 86 and will not burden her with my heartache although she sees all. I want my life back,God. Why did he forsake me. I dont deserve much, I have raised three terrific, loving , compassionate kids, but feel I cant be the strength they need anymore, I want to feel good again, I cry always and wallow in pity which is awful... Xanax helps every day, my faith helps which I question too. Why me. We are looking now for a place we can afford to live in..and a job since we have no benefits of any sort. I know there are friends out there who might undertsand and just listen and perhaps understand under all these tears how this hurts. It wasnt supposed to be like this... This isnt me...where am I?
But I think I will not be able to function any more and really need help. I might be to emotional I guess I should be grateful for my life but I m not. This year 2009, My last child went off to school, which left my house empty. I was a very invloved mom, girlscouts, boy scouts, PTA. worked full time and kept a warm loving home. Although my husband and I have been married for 30 years, its a love less marriage. We lost our home in MArch, my home i loved so much, that defined me. In April, I lost my job, that I worked very hard at, and very at a pretty good level. My husband hadnt been working for 5 years..unable to establish anything concrete. I started menopause as well, which might have also thrown my hormones through the roof. I cant talk to friends they dont understand, cant talk to my mom whom i love but shes 86 and will not burden her with my heartache although she sees all. I want my life back,God. Why did he forsake me. I dont deserve much, I have raised three terrific, loving , compassionate kids, but feel I cant be the strength they need anymore, I want to feel good again, I cry always and wallow in pity which is awful... Xanax helps every day, my faith helps which I question too. Why me. We are looking now for a place we can afford to live in..and a job since we have no benefits of any sort. I know there are friends out there who might undertsand and just listen and perhaps understand under all these tears how this hurts. It wasnt supposed to be like this... This isnt me...where am I?

I am sorry of all the unhappiness you have had this year.
I see a therapist and have been on a med in the past to manage my depression and anxiety.
Can you access some local mental health services that are prorated?
I hope you find a job soon as for me having to go to work and have so many responsibilities there helps me get my mind off my worries so then I feel better mentally.
Do you attend a church that you can have your minister help you understand God has not deserted you.
Welcome to the board!!!
Hello, I was where you are last december. You are at the point of asking yourself what's the point. You can not define yourself as you have for the last thirty years. Consider this to be the self actualizaton that was finnally aknowledged. Your kids were going to grow up, without work to keep you grounded you've had alot of time to think. Bad combination thinking and relationships and x-mas. You will make it thru, you have to, keep telling your self that over and over and you have the strength because you are aware of your weaknesses, makes