Holiday party cancellation blues
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| Wed, 12-16-2009 - 7:09pm |
I was guest to an expensive dinner but for several reasons on the day before the party I became so depressed that I did not want to be around anyone, specially these group of people. I called him the night before the party and told him I appreciated his gesture and work on taking us out but I needed to be excused. He asked why and since I have known the him for several years, I told him the actual reason. His answer was "Whatever! That is just fine, JUST fine! (in an annoyed tone). I have never cancelled before and I know he was busy and under pressure but I felt put off by his wording. I could have lied to him and waited till the dinner date and called in sick, but I thought he would understood since he knows my day to day life. I though he would be able to arrange his party accordingly. I was not looking for his sympathy but a "ok, if you fell better you can still come in" or "Gee we are going to miss you" something on those lines.
I also emailed a friend the day of the event so she would know why I would not show up, and I mentioned that I was annoyed by his response. He found out and called me right before dinner completely angry at me for telling her, and insisted he did not do anything wrong "do you expect me to suck up to you?" I know perhaps I should have not told about his comment, specially since the "friend" went and told him. But I thought he was rude, and then he was making it worse by calling me to scold me and that turn my depression into anger, so I showed up at his party anyway, where he was calm, collected and friendly and I was the same but with a tight lip. Mainly went because my 2 GF pleaded me to come and told me they wanted me there.
My GF are saying this too, ' gee, you were canceling and he had gone thru a lot to do this, his answer was ok, you are expecting to much" I told all of them that if I had been physically sick, nobody would have been mad or would have felt the same way about it, but since I was having a mental sickness, they did not think it was a good excuse.... specially since all my depressive thought process were about things that did not granted me to be bothered. I also told them that when people give parties, they should know that not 100% of the guest would show up and be able to tell if they are canceling for lame reasons or not. Therefore his annoyance should have not come through.
This week he called me to find out how I was feeling and thanked me for going through the dinner. I told him I felt put off by his words and he said he did not have to apologize about anything, that I had cancelled the day before and I had been rude for doing so and he had been mad about it, but that his response was appropriate and would not take it back. I told him the response was insensitive and not of a graceful host. He said to ask around, there are no Mrs.Manners boards here so I am asking you guys.

Welcome to the board.
Have you been diagnosed with depression?
I am sorry for all you went through.
I think his reponse to you was completely inappropriate.