New Year's Resolution

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2009
New Year's Resolution
7
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 11:05pm

I normally don't make resolutions for the new year because I'm not very good at keeping them. However, this year is different. This year, my resolution is to go to the doctor for treatment of my anxiety and depression.

It may sound like a silly resolution, but I'm just sick and tired of feeling like this. I'm tired of not being able to look people in the eye. I'm tired of waking up every morning and feeling like I just can't go on another day. I'm tired of feeling sick every time the phone rings because I'm afraid I'm going to have to talk to someone. Most of all, I am so tired of feeling like a complete waste of a human being.

I'm hoping if I write this down and get it out there, I will finally do it this time. I have been so close before. I know it will be hard for me to do. However, I KNOW my life will never change until I attack the root of all my problems, and I simply cannot go on like this anymore.

I blog all about it:
31 Million Seconds
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Sun, 12-20-2009 - 4:58am

That is a good resolution and may I suggest, make the appointments now, vs waiting for the magical January 1st.


If your insurance covers it, to see a therapist and maybe a psychiatrist to see if you need meds would be the best

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2009
Mon, 12-21-2009 - 10:57am

Thank you for the advice Josie. I really do need to make the appointment soon. I have to go to the local health department since I do not have health insurance. It's a new place that I've never been to before, and I get really nervous and upset when I have to try something new. It's silly, but I can already feel my heartbeat starting to kick up just thinking about it. I would hate to finally work up the nerve to walk in, only to have to schedule an appointment for days later. I'm afraid I would lose my nerve and cancel the appointment after all that.

Maybe if I make the appointment now, they can explain where I need to go, and it won't be as bad as going into this completely in the dark about what I'm supposed to do.

I blog all about it:
31 Million Seconds
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2009
Mon, 12-21-2009 - 3:02pm

I agree with Josie. Therapy is almost always a "feel worse before you feel better" kind of thing, so it's good to know that going in. The reason is that it dregs up all those issues that you've been trying to stuff way down deep for so long. Depression is essentially unexpressed anger (which is why a lot more women suffer from it than men, because men go off and punch people or things and women don't typically). Anyway, when you start talking about all of it, bringing it all to the surface it makes things "worse" (which is why I've quit therapy more times than I can count or care to remember). Like Josie, I'm not trying to scare you or talk you out of it, I just think it's better to be prepared ahead of time. I always go in with the magical thinking that I'm gonna be better in a couple weeks and when I'm not, I get pissed and quit and I'm back to square one. Also, while you can generally get in to see a counselor pretty quickly, a Psych is usually harder to get an appt with, so it might take a while to get a script if you're not already on one. My family dr. was very understanding of this and wrote me a 2 mo supply of Prozac to "tide me over" until I could get in to see the Psych., so you may want to consider that route as well. Just a suggestion.

Best of luck!!

Stacey

When you do something for someone else, you create meaning in your own life as well as theirs. What you give you get to keep. What you fail to give you lose forever.

Stacey When you do something for someone else, you create meaning in your own life as well as theirs. What you give you get to keep. What you fail to give you lose forever.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2009
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 3:52pm

Stacey,


I had never heard that "depression is unexpressed anger"

siggy waterfall
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2009
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 5:10pm
=) I actually have no idea where I learned it - probably Dr. Oz! I'd like to know what I'm so angry about too! Probably just a great big mess of things we feel like we can't say because "it wouldn't be polite" I would imagine though.

Stacey

When you do something for someone else, you create meaning in your own life as well as theirs. What you give you get to keep. What you fail to give you lose forever.

Stacey When you do something for someone else, you create meaning in your own life as well as theirs. What you give you get to keep. What you fail to give you lose forever.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2009
Sat, 12-26-2009 - 9:33am

Hi Stacey. Thank you for giving me some insight into how therapy might work. Please don't think that you are scaring me. I want to know what to expect when I do this. I feel my chances of sticking with something increase when I am prepared for what is going to happen.

I took another small step towards my goal earlier this week when I picked up a card with all the information for the mental health clinic at the health department. I now know who to call and what number to reach them at. Baby steps!

I blog all about it:
31 Million Seconds
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2009
Sat, 12-26-2009 - 2:31pm
You're welcome. =) Glad I could help, even if it was just a tiny little bit. I wish you the very best of luck! Let me know how things are working out!

Stacey

When you do something for someone else, you create meaning in your own life as well as theirs. What you give you get to keep. What you fail to give you lose forever.

Stacey When you do something for someone else, you create meaning in your own life as well as theirs. What you give you get to keep. What you fail to give you lose forever.