Depressed for a year, is there hope????
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| Tue, 12-22-2009 - 5:00pm |
I saw my therapist today, sweet old man. Perhaps almost symbolic of the year ending, we did a brief summary of 2009 and I asked him what diagnosis he may have for me, after almost an entire year of not very intensive cognitive psychotherapy. His answer: Ummm, not sure. Some depression. Some mild case of schizoeffective disorder? Needless to say, he left me with no concrete answer. And hearing the latter explanation I freaked out. Schizo-what? He assured me it is NOT schizophrenia and he suspects a mild case anyway. Still, this is the first time I've heard something different than yor plain ole depression. He is also not a licensed psychotherapist but a psychologist. Not sure if that makes any difference.
I am sitting here in front of my computer and trying to make some sense out of this. Kinda hard when you're already struggling to think clearly. I am overwhelmed with this unofficial diagnosis. I briefly google the term and came up with so many serious articles on mental illness, I felt scared to death. You know how it is on the Internet, one article leads to another, pages are linked, links are shared. Next thing you know is that you're sitting in front of your computer researching the same thing for hours. And you get overwhelmed by it all. Does this means I am considered certifiable crazy? How do I go about my treatment if my guy cannot prescribe meds? He sort of left me with this and now I am trying to figure out how to get through the holidays if I will be thinking about this possible disorder I have.
What do you suggest that I do in trying to help myself feel more hopeful?

I should have included a little more info in my original post.
I've had depressive episodes for an entire year out of which the last few months were after a pregnancy so I am not sure if part of it is/was postpardon depression. Therapist is not sure of that either. My major problem is a flawed way of thinking, I've been creating scenarios in my head that everyone hates me, I am worthless, I am a loser, failure, etc.
Basically, my mind started playing tricks on me about a year ago. I have bad days, better days and even good days at times. It all started when my dog died a year ago, got fired from a job and learned that a few ppl don't like me. I guess too much too soon and I've never had good coping skills to begin with.
I've accepted my depression as something I needed to "work on", never got on meds, mainly because of being pregnant and now breastfeeding but I've been functioning relatively well (able to socialize, work, take care of baby, etc.).
I feel like getting served with this possible diagnosis is almost unfair. Can't we just leave it at depression? I wonder how I can manage my life until my next visit with the therapist so I don't drive myself further into despair worrying that I actually may be worse than I thought I was.
I would absolutely love advise from someone who's been there and "came out" ok.
Hi Aubrey,
I saw your post, and though I can't say I understand what you're going through, I felt rather compelled to respond.
First things first, I'd say take in the hugest breath you've ever taken and just try to take it easy - after all, you really aren't any different today than you were before your therapist told you this info, he has simply offered you a "word" to attach to your problems/issues, so try to go at it not from the world is crashing down because the sun is no longer there point of view, but in a way in which the sun has simply been renamed to say the "plip" - just because it's been renamed, doesn't mean the earth will spin wildly out of control and go flying into outer space, it just means we have to reframe our sentences and adjust the sound we hear with the image we see in our minds.
Okay, that being said, I know not everyone thinks as logically as I do, so another suggestion I have is to put it on the back burner. It isn't going to help or change anything to stew about it over the holiday, so try your best to just simply wait to "worry it to death" until after the new year. Kind of like it doesn't make clothes dry faster if you think of them tumbling in the dryer, it isn't going to bring forth a faster resolution to ruminate on this issue while there's nothing you can do about it. Focus on your baby, the holidays, whatever you can.
This doesn't mean you can't CONSIDER the new diagnosis - this is different. You can study it, learn what you can about it, etc. so you know some things and are prepared when you go back for an appointment (I suggest you get a second opinion), but this is quite different from worrying it and completely freaking yourself out over it. Remember, it isn't a cancer diagnosis and he could also be wrong (thus the suggestion for another opinion), so all your worry could be for naught - I'm a big believer in not expending energy on "wasteful" worry. What's the point?
I hope this all makes a little bit of sense... I wish you the very, very best of luck in getting it all figured out. I think posting here will help you work through some things as well, so come back often!
Stacey
When you do something for someone else, you create meaning in your own life as well as theirs. What you give you get to keep. What you fail to give you lose forever.
aubrey - I agree with everything Stacey said, but I find it very hard to understand that you've been seeing this therapist for a year and he hasn't given you a firm diagnosis.
Welcome to the board!
Hi Aubrey and welcome.