Acceptance and family members
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| Sun, 12-27-2009 - 5:06am |
HI All, Deb: I am going to borrow something you wrote yesterday on your Mom, her being depressed and you realizing, you can't make her happy.
That is so at the crux of so many things in that, we can't change anyone else but ourselves! And how often does the wanting to change others, then we fail at that as we are suppose to fail at that, and how that spirals into so many other things!
My middle sister that brought me to tears yesterday, we have gone back and forth for years, at one point she said to me, "why can't you accept me for who I am?". And she was/is right. But it goes the other way too, and why can't she accept me for who I am?
Why can't she accept I am choosing to work hard in therapy to heal from childhood that way vs. her way to pretend it never happened or to excuse ALL that our parents did by just saying, that is how it was.
My husband brought up yesterday a topic that in the past brings me to tears, but instead I told myself, to calmly listen, then to calmly say no. No swallowing my thoughts on it but also no jumping him so then he has to tip toe around me.
I went to Alanon for several years to recover from an alcoholic father, and one of the wisdom of that 12 step program is the acceptance principle.
At the end of the day, I really can only change myself and then only with a lot of hard work and prayer.
I thought before I got out of bed today, that with that same sister, to just Let Go and Let God. That is also a 12 step slogan, and to me, in the past I would be sending her an email that I cried after I talked to her, I might say I am sorry, but then I would be pointing out all of her mistakes, and then counting the minutes until she wrote back and begged for my forgiveness. My oh my, how insane that even sounds, but that is what I would have done.
Instead, today, I am just going to let it be. I will let her make the next move, or not, whatever. I will probably hear from her later in January when it is my birthday, so if we have several weeks of no communication, maybe a cooling off period will be good.
thanks for listening ladies, I used you as my journal this morning! Hugs, Josie

Hi Josie,
I am not sure what happened with your sister (maybe I missed what you wrote in one of your posts), but I hope you will feel better soon!!!!!
Hugs!
Heidi:
Josie, your sister probably knows she should get therapy too, but she's scared.
Deb: I love that, self esteem is acceptance!
Acceptance from family members has been something that has been bothering me for some time now. I think it may be the only reason I'm so hesitant to visit a psychiatrist. I'm terrified about how my parents will react if/when they find out that I have been battling severe depression for years now. I'm so afraid they will be disappointed. Or, I'm afraid they will think less of me. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm being ridiculous. I battled depression before when I was a teenager and my parents were nothing but supportive. My mother had her own battle with depression about 10 years ago.
The rational side of me keeps saying that my parents will want me to do what I feel is best for my own health, which includes seeing a psychiatrist and asking for an antidepressant. However, the irrational side seems much bigger and louder. It just keeps screaming all these negative thoughts over and over and over again.
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