Hi Heidi. Happy New Year to you, too. I wish I could come on here with a happy post, but unfortunately, that is not the case. I had an absolute melt down last night. I think I've hit rock bottom. If I can pull anything good from my current situation, it's that I am ready to ask for help. I just can't live like this any longer.
I tried to call the health department today, but they were closed for the holiday. I'm going to try again tomorrow. If they are still closed I'm going to have to wait until Monday. I sincerely hope I do not lose my courage by then.
I can't wait for the day that I can come on here and post that I had a good day! It will be one of the happiest days of my life.
On New Year's Eve I was in my bed, watching TV, refreshing the websites I like to visit to see if anyone was posting anything when I realized no one was going to post anything because they were all out celebrating. Here I am, 26 years old, and I was at home doing nothing. Not by choice, but because I have no friends. There wasn't even the possibility of being invited to a celebration.
I looked at the TV and realized I was watching The Next Food Network Star. I don't like The Food Network. I never watch The Food Network because I'm not a good cook and I don't like cooking.
I just started to cry because I realized how pathetic my life had gotten, and then I couldn't stop crying. I had never hated myself as much as I did at that moment, and I truly just wished I was dead.
I am definitely going to stick with my resolution to get help. The health department was closed on the weekend, but I am going to find time during my lunch break tomorrow to call. I did read your post about depression support groups. Unfortunately, I live in the boonies, and the closest support group is 2 hours away. I know asking for help is going to be hard. However, I also realize that NOT asking will be even worse. I can't possibly get any lower. The only way to go is up.
Just an update. I tried to call the health department today. When I called, the answering service said all the lines were busy, but if I left my name and number, someone would get back to me. I did, but no one called me back today. I feel like giving up. It took me so long to work up the nerve to call, and it was for nothing. I feel like I'm not meant to get well.
The reason I have to go through the health department is because I do not have health insurance. I don't have any other options because I can't afford anything else. I'm sorry this message is so blue. I just feel like I've been kicked when I was down.
I'm sorry you're feeling in such pain and so alone... Don't be sorry for posting "blue" messages on the board - that's what it's for!
I'm curious what state you live in. I live in Indiana and they have wonderful health insurance through the state if you're "poor enough" to qualify (which I am). You may want to check into that if you haven't; I know they are trying to do more now with people having such difficulties with their insurance (and not having any).
My guess is that you weren't able to speak to anyone because it was the first day back after the holidays. I had about 4 places I needed to speak to yesterday and couldn't get through to any of them, nor did any of them call me back when I left messages.
I hope you'll hang in there... Would it help to talk about what's going on? I know you have lots of headaches because I answered your other post (the one you posted to mine), but do you have depression as well (separately from the pain) or anything else going on? Any meds? I've been suffering from depression for many, many years and have been quite resistant to talk therapy, but it actually does help a lot to talk. You can even email me if you'd like. I'm at stacey_boothe@yahoo.com
Stacey
When you do something for someone else, you create meaning in your own life as well as theirs. What you give you get to keep. What you fail to give you lose forever.
Stacey
When you do something for someone else, you create meaning in your own life as well as theirs. What you give you get to keep. What you fail to give you lose forever.
sometimes my email is confusing because it gets underlined - it's stacey_boothe at yahoo
Stacey
When you do something for someone else, you create meaning in your own life as well as theirs. What you give you get to keep. What you fail to give you lose forever.
Stacey
When you do something for someone else, you create meaning in your own life as well as theirs. What you give you get to keep. What you fail to give you lose forever.
Thank you for the opportunity to email you. I just sent you an email. I'm hoping you are correct, and that there is just a backlog of work from the holiday, and the people at the health department just haven't had time to call me back. We've also been experiencing quite the snow storm the past few days, so I guess it's also possible that they have been closed.
I still haven't heard anything from them today. I have to go to the dentist on Thursday. I'm thinking about driving to the health department while I'm in town, and see if I can talk face-to-face with someone there. It will be VERY hard for me to do, so I hope I can work up the nerve to do it.
Thank you so, so much with your offer to help me. I sent you an email with the information you requested. Once again, thank you. You have no idea how much your offer means to me.
Hi Heidi. Happy New Year to you, too. I wish I could come on here with a happy post, but unfortunately, that is not the case. I had an absolute melt down last night. I think I've hit rock bottom. If I can pull anything good from my current situation, it's that I am ready to ask for help. I just can't live like this any longer.
I tried to call the health department today, but they were closed for the holiday. I'm going to try again tomorrow. If they are still closed I'm going to have to wait until Monday. I sincerely hope I do not lose my courage by then.
I can't wait for the day that I can come on here and post that I had a good day! It will be one of the happiest days of my life.
31 Million Seconds
Criostiona,
I am here for you.
Heidi,
On New Year's Eve I was in my bed, watching TV, refreshing the websites I like to visit to see if anyone was posting anything when I realized no one was going to post anything because they were all out celebrating. Here I am, 26 years old, and I was at home doing nothing. Not by choice, but because I have no friends. There wasn't even the possibility of being invited to a celebration.
I looked at the TV and realized I was watching The Next Food Network Star. I don't like The Food Network. I never watch The Food Network because I'm not a good cook and I don't like cooking.
I just started to cry because I realized how pathetic my life had gotten, and then I couldn't stop crying. I had never hated myself as much as I did at that moment, and I truly just wished I was dead.
I am definitely going to stick with my resolution to get help. The health department was closed on the weekend, but I am going to find time during my lunch break tomorrow to call. I did read your post about depression support groups. Unfortunately, I live in the boonies, and the closest support group is 2 hours away. I know asking for help is going to be hard. However, I also realize that NOT asking will be even worse. I can't possibly get any lower. The only way to go is up.
31 Million Seconds
Criostiona,
I am sorry to hear you had a sad New Year's.
Just an update. I tried to call the health department today. When I called, the answering service said all the lines were busy, but if I left my name and number, someone would get back to me. I did, but no one called me back today. I feel like giving up. It took me so long to work up the nerve to call, and it was for nothing. I feel like I'm not meant to get well.
The reason I have to go through the health department is because I do not have health insurance. I don't have any other options because I can't afford anything else. I'm sorry this message is so blue. I just feel like I've been kicked when I was down.
31 Million Seconds
Hi again...
I'm sorry you're feeling in such pain and so alone... Don't be sorry for posting "blue" messages on the board - that's what it's for!
I'm curious what state you live in. I live in Indiana and they have wonderful health insurance through the state if you're "poor enough" to qualify (which I am). You may want to check into that if you haven't; I know they are trying to do more now with people having such difficulties with their insurance (and not having any).
My guess is that you weren't able to speak to anyone because it was the first day back after the holidays. I had about 4 places I needed to speak to yesterday and couldn't get through to any of them, nor did any of them call me back when I left messages.
I hope you'll hang in there... Would it help to talk about what's going on? I know you have lots of headaches because I answered your other post (the one you posted to mine), but do you have depression as well (separately from the pain) or anything else going on? Any meds? I've been suffering from depression for many, many years and have been quite resistant to talk therapy, but it actually does help a lot to talk. You can even email me if you'd like. I'm at stacey_boothe@yahoo.com
Stacey
When you do something for someone else, you create meaning in your own life as well as theirs. What you give you get to keep. What you fail to give you lose forever.
Stacey
When you do something for someone else, you create meaning in your own life as well as theirs. What you give you get to keep. What you fail to give you lose forever.
Criostiona,
If you don't mind me asking, what city and state are you in?
Thank you for the opportunity to email you. I just sent you an email. I'm hoping you are correct, and that there is just a backlog of work from the holiday, and the people at the health department just haven't had time to call me back. We've also been experiencing quite the snow storm the past few days, so I guess it's also possible that they have been closed.
I still haven't heard anything from them today. I have to go to the dentist on Thursday. I'm thinking about driving to the health department while I'm in town, and see if I can talk face-to-face with someone there. It will be VERY hard for me to do, so I hope I can work up the nerve to do it.
31 Million Seconds
Heidi,
Thank you so, so much with your offer to help me. I sent you an email with the information you requested. Once again, thank you. You have no idea how much your offer means to me.
31 Million Seconds