Tired of Depression
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| Tue, 01-05-2010 - 11:55am |
Today is my birthday (58) and I wonder how I will make it through the day. I have suffered with depression on and off since I was a teen and I'm just exhausted. I've been treated with antidepressants and they seem to work in the beginning, but always stop. I'm at that point again. My new psychiatrist is planning to wean me off Effexor and has started me on Depakote, so I will be in the "trial and error" stage for awhile now.
This depression is just evil. I had a wonderful "Big Chill" holiday by the sea with my husband and another couple. We had a great time together. When it ended (on the drive home), I could feel the sadness washing over me again. It was full blown by the time we reached home. I say "home", but I do not consider where I live "home". We moved to California 5 years ago from Georgia. I feel as though we are in another country and I am homesick a lot of the time. We moved out here because my husband lost his job in Georgia and now it looks very unstable for him in California. I've tried to find a job to help out and also to have something to do during the day. I am so bored and with boredom comes the feeling of worthlessness - why am I even here? I've done nothing with my life and I feel so hopeless that I ever will. I'm married to a wonderful man and I feel as though he would have been better off marrying someone else.
My psychiatrist has referred me to several therapists, so I will make an effort to call them today. It will at least give me somewhere to go if nothing else. I just feel so alone.
I hope I did not bore everyone. I just needed someone to vent to because I am truly having a difficult time today. Finding this website was helpful. At least I know I am not the only one suffering with this illness.
Bea

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Gidday from Australia Georgia,
Well I struggle every day with depression at varying levels. I am 39 years old have experienced many kinds of abuses as a child and later became my own abuser using drugs when I was 21-31. On the surface I nearly own a nice home, have 2 healthy kids am a respected part of my community that I have lived in for 14 years. But inside and in the past, two marriage failures, I am totally intense and ruminate on everything. The tiniest thing can trigger my depression and I also have a panic disorder, I fret and get stomach aches. Recently I met a lovely man and had a relationship for 12 months, he was what he would say is someone I thought it was a privelage to be with. Sadly that ended two weeks ago for many reasons, I am processing the reasons and ultimately it was betrayal but many things led to that. Basically the peaks and troughs I experience in this life are too much. I get very excited about things and then very upset when events are over, or holidays finish. I am not on medication but instead use my faith and lots of physical exercise to cope. Late 2009, my daughters behaviour went bad (13yrs old), she got arrested for shoplifting, sent home from camp for inappropriate sexual conduct and asked to leave her high school, my x-husband stopped paying me the $1,000 AUD per month I had been receiving because he lost his job due to being a drug addict and went to jail, while this was going on I exercised to cope and have lost 8kg and now I look great but still am a mess emotionally and mentally. Things hit me really hard, I get very frustrated and have a tendency to turn everything into my fault.
I don't what is the solution, I just know how to cope everyday. I'm also exhausted, I tell my best friend that my life experience feels like I am swimming upstream everyday and can only stop and the point of sleeping.
God Bless and thanks for hearing my ravings. Just right now I am very tender due to this relationship breakup and as with many men, he moved on to someone else mostly straight away and she is a local person who I have to see and she does not know me but I know her, it is all very uncomfortable and of course I think and think and think. Anyone doing partial temporary labotomies and emotional numbing?
I'm proud of you!
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