Hate Coming Home?
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Hate Coming Home?
| Wed, 01-13-2010 - 5:10pm |
I ask this question because I was doing a little better with my depression today. I joined Curves for Women, volunteered at a cat sanctuary and bought a book on depression. But the minute I came home, the depression and anxiety started washing over me. What is wrong with me? I really do not enjoy my home any more. It takes such effort for me to clean and dust (and I am a neat freak). Is there anyone else that feels this way?
Bea

Hi Bea,
I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with my home. Given the opportunity, I would never leave my house. I don't have to deal with the anxiety of interacting with other people when I am in my house. However, there are many times when I get so depressed and angry because I think about the fact that I sequester myself in my house instead of going out and enjoying life.
31 Million Seconds
I understand how you feel, I often hate being at home.
Hi Bea,
I feel this way myself - if I'm around other people, socializing, distracted, I don't feel so depressed. I think (if I can pretend to be an expert here for just a second - LOL) that some of what might be going on is that your adrenaline is kicking in while you're out and doing things (esp. exercising), but when you're home it isn't "on." I feel fairly certain that this is what happens with me and have spoken to others who agree. I, too, am a "neat freak," so being at home is distressing for me because things are never done completely (and I'm too depressed to do them oftentimes). The conundrum is that being depressed makes you not feel like doing anything, so the trick is making yourself go out and do things. It often helps me if I have an appointment or someone is counting on me being somewhere. If I don't HAVE to do it (I can always put off running errands or whatever!), it's pretty tough to make myself.
{{hugs}}
Stacey
When you do something for someone else, you create meaning in your own life as well as theirs. What you give you get to keep. What you fail to give you lose forever.
Edited 1/14/2010 10:24 pm ET by staceyboothe1964
I hate coming home, too, but for completely different reasons. I just hate it because I'm sharing a one-bedroom shabby apartment in a run-down complex in a lousy neighborhood with my eccentric, overprotective, alcoholic mother and my disabled, depressed brother. And they both smoke (a lot) inside and I'm a non-smoker who has sinus issues. I go out of the house smelling like an ash tray and I don't even smoke. I HATE it. I hate living here. I am so miserable. But I can't yet afford an apartment on my own (I only make $9.75/hour and I already have over $200/month in bills), and quite frankly, I don't really trust anyone I know to be reliable roommates (no one that I know around here, anyway - I'm far from my "old" friends right now).
Edited 1/15/2010 12:03 pm ET by cameragirl78
Edited 1/15/2010 12:04 pm ET by cameragirl78
Edited 1/15/2010 12:05 pm ET by cameragirl78
Hi CameraGirl,
I can see why you are miserable.
Thanks. Yeah, in addition to the conditions here, I have to deal with a lack of privacy and the feeling of "constantly" being up each other's butts.
No, there is no way I can ask them to smoke outside. 1. My mom has had this apt. for 10 years and there's no way she should have to smoke outside because I moved in, and 2. My brother is disabled and getting outside is difficult for him.
I do want to start exercising more, but all the gyms around here leave something to be desired. And it's been too icy and cold to go outside and walk (plus I get nervous sometimes because this just isn't the greatest neighborhood).
I spent the better part of 10 years trying to overcome my emotional issues with my family. 10 years of living on my own-ish (I had roommates that weren't family), and had more options as far as creating and maintaining boundaries. (i.e., there were times I'd go weeks without speaking to my mom because I just couldn't deal - at the time she lived in a different state). Now, all that "undoing" has been undone. Emotional scars that had started to heal have been ripped open again. And I can't avoid her drunkenness here in this tiny apartment like I could when all I had to do was just not pick up the phone when she'd call on the weekends and I knew she'd be hammered.
I get so angry with myself for messing my finances up so badly that when things went south with the ex I moved to be with (my ex boyfriend moved across country in 2008 and I went with him...we broke up in early 2009), I had no choice but to move to this depressing town and live with my mom. And my only job option right now is retail, which pays crappy. I can't afford to move back east to be with my friends/the rest of my family, plus, I do have a new (well, new since the ex I split up with) boyfriend here who means the world to me, and I can't bear to leave him. Living with him is not an option right now since he is planning to join the military. I wouldn't rule out living with him someday, but I would only do it if I were financially able to live on my own if he were to up and leave me. Having had 2 live-in boyfriends in the past that things didn't work out with that left me in a financial lurch, I don't want to be in this situation again, EVER. So, if/when I decide to go the "living together" route again, I want to know I could stand on my own two feet and not have to "move in with mom" again if things didn't work out.
Edited 1/17/2010 10:47 am ET by cameragirl78
I feel the same.
Most of the time I don't want to go out, but if I force myself I feel much better and end up going more places than I had planned. I have clinical depression and after all the yrs of fighting it, I just do what I can. My meds seem to work pretty well. An Indiana winter can be depressing itself but so far we have had a mild winter except for one gigantic snow store. I'm ready for Spring already. I love to be outside. It's late and my eyes are starting to close. I'll check in tomorrow.....peace.....Connie