Tired of my depression

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2010
Tired of my depression
5
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 10:06pm

I am new to this site and thank you all for taking the time to read this.


I am 30 years old and have suffered from depression most of my adult life. This most recent occurance though has been going on for about four long months. Honestly I am so tired of being depressed. I just want to find some happiness in life if that is at all possible. I am the mother of three small kids and you would think that would help bring happiness but I find it only contributes to my depression. I have been seeing a therapist for well over a year now. I really enjoy my appointments and look forward to them because I can say whatever is on my mind and wont get frowned upon for saying it. It seems like I am on every single anti-depressant there is and I receive electroconvulsive theray (ECT) every two weeks. I am so embarressed to say that I am getting ECT. Although it really saved my life, I would not be around if it wasn't for that treatment.


It seems I am so depressed I can't even cry about it anymore. I don't know if that is because of the ECT treatments or what. I am just really down. I find that I even turn to alcohol once or twice a week to deal with it. I know it's a depressent but I just want to escape the craziness in my head and that is the only thing that does it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to get over this depresssion. What else can I possibly do???


Again, thanks for listening to my whining :)


Kerry


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Tue, 02-02-2010 - 11:24am

Kerry, you are not whining.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2009
Tue, 02-02-2010 - 11:35pm

(HUG) You aren't at all whining. You have a legitimate reason to feel the way you do! I see so much of how I have been feeling these past few months in your post. It seems like we try so many different meds and they work for a while and then you just have to go on to the next. I haven't tried ECT yet, but I honestly sometimes wonder if I might be headed there. Don't be ashamed either! I'm reading more and more too that people are having to turn to ECT.

I am a mom of one toddler and where he brought me so much joy before, lately I have been feeling like he is adding to my depression too. I'm having a rough time with his potty training and temper tantrums. And that leads to anxiety and I find I can't enjoy him as much. I feel so terribly guilty about this and it is such a relief to hear that I am not alone.

I think all we can do is keep trying. Keep working on the meds and our counseling and I really want to try to be active here because I think support groups are another great thing. I've also found that journaling my thoughts helps empty them out of my head and decreased the anxiety and depression some.

I wish I could be more helpful... I just wanted you to know you aren't alone and these people here are wonderful to talk to.


I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
~~The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. ~~The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2009
Wed, 02-03-2010 - 9:27pm

Welcome to the board Kerry!

siggy waterfall
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2010
Wed, 02-03-2010 - 10:00pm

Heidi,


Thank you so much for your response. It's comforting to hear that someone else doesn't have a difficult time with their children. Like you, I love them regardless and will do whatever it takes to provide for them. regardless of my depressive episode.


As far as the ECT, it has been amazing for me. It really has saved

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2009
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 4:24pm

If you want to email me, my adress is:

siggy waterfall