He is a good man, Heidi. I don't think I would have the patience to deal with me if I were in his shoes. Unfortunately, he is unable to understand and only offers me statements such as: "you have so much to be grateful for"- true, and "you haven't murdered anyone so your past isn't all that bad".... They do make sense but unfortunately, only provide temporary relief, sometimes for only a few minutes before I go back to ruminating about my past and the mistakes I've made.
I have quite a few regrets, mostly that I have not been able to sustain a job for too long, that people hate me and that I have said a few hurtful and stupid things to people in my past. I am consumed with the fear that they perceive me as a bad person. I am not convinced that I am a bad person but I KNOW a few people out there believe that I am.... that's the culprit of my depression.
Hi everyone: I used to post here a long time ago. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, but it has become very manageable, praise God!!! It does tend to get much more difficult to fight during the winter, though. Right now, I'm snowed in and that's difficult. One of the many things I do to hold my depression at bay is run long distance, and I can't do that with all the snow on the roads. I have a treadmill in my house, though, and I'll probably hop on there for a few miles this afternoon. I know this probably sounds unusual, but exercise is about the only thing I CAN motivate myself to do. I'm a writer, and dragging myself to the computer to work has been so difficult. Overall, I try to surround myself with very positive energy, I pray alot, take meds, exercise, watch my diet - I do everything I can think of to manage this situation and most days its okay. But the cold gray snowy winter is kicking my butt. Thanks for letting me share here! Love, Mo.
I'm trying to hang in there. On top of all my other problems, my boyfriend has pretty much broken up with me. I'm trying to work through that and deal with my crappy living situation. Wishing I could afford to move out. I feel like someone is constantly up my butt when I really just feel like being alone. I hate when I'm feeling crappy and I just don't want to talk, and I'll have my brother or my mom or both trying to engage me in conversation. Half the time I just don't want to talk.
I hate my boyfriend for breaking things off with me. He says it's just a "break" but I doubt he's going to come back around any time soon, so I just need to try and accept that, even though I hate it, and I hate that he's done this to me. I hate that it's Valentine's Day and I just got dumped. I hate that he's pretty much ruined my birthday, too, which is in a little less than 2 weeks.
I'm going back and forth with moods...for a while I'll feel somewhat okay...then the next thing I know, I'm sitting on the bathroom floor crying. (I have to go hide in the bathroom to cry because I have no privacy where I live).
I really wish I could afford to go see a therapist. :-( I'm starting to realize I think a big part of my problems in life stem from "abandonment issues" and I wish I could go to a therapist to maybe figure out where they came from. I have some ideas.
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they don't understand. none of them. :(
my husband said to me last night that he is thinking of leaving me over my depression. he says he deserves better. i agree. :(
(((HUG)))
I am so so sorry!
He is a good man, Heidi. I don't think I would have the patience to deal with me if I were in his shoes. Unfortunately, he is unable to understand and only offers me statements such as: "you have so much to be grateful for"- true, and "you haven't murdered anyone so your past isn't all that bad"....
They do make sense but unfortunately, only provide temporary relief, sometimes for only a few minutes before I go back to ruminating about my past and the mistakes I've made.
I have quite a few regrets, mostly that I have not been able to sustain a job for too long, that people hate me and that I have said a few hurtful and stupid things to people in my past. I am consumed with the fear that they perceive me as a bad person. I am not convinced that I am a bad person but I KNOW a few people out there believe that I am.... that's the culprit of my depression.
I'm trying to hang in there. On top of all my other problems, my boyfriend has pretty much broken up with me. I'm trying to work through that and deal with my crappy living situation. Wishing I could afford to move out. I feel like someone is constantly up my butt when I really just feel like being alone. I hate when I'm feeling crappy and I just don't want to talk, and I'll have my brother or my mom or both trying to engage me in conversation. Half the time I just don't want to talk.
I hate my boyfriend for breaking things off with me. He says it's just a "break" but I doubt he's going to come back around any time soon, so I just need to try and accept that, even though I hate it, and I hate that he's done this to me. I hate that it's Valentine's Day and I just got dumped. I hate that he's pretty much ruined my birthday, too, which is in a little less than 2 weeks.
I'm going back and forth with moods...for a while I'll feel somewhat okay...then the next thing I know, I'm sitting on the bathroom floor crying. (I have to go hide in the bathroom to cry because I have no privacy where I live).
I really wish I could afford to go see a therapist. :-( I'm starting to realize I think a big part of my problems in life stem from "abandonment issues" and I wish I could go to a therapist to maybe figure out where they came from. I have some ideas.
Pages