Is this clinical depression?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2009
Is this clinical depression?
5
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 10:23am


I recently started to wonder about WHICH type of depression I have. I've read about the clinical type which sounds like is the most debilitating because one can't get out of bed and usually would do that for days.

I CAN get out of bed, function semi "normally" BUT my dark thoughts, knot in my stomach and physical symptoms of depression are with me 24/7. Sometimes I wake up and I'm mad that I'm still alive. And I have been like this for a little over a year now. I've been feeling for a while that EVERYONE hates me and I truly believe in that. I feel like I am dumb, don't know how to act in life and that I am a real loser.

I'm consumed with the fact that my neighbors hate me, and each time I look out my window and see them hanging out, smiling and talking to one another, I feel like I wish I would just die.

I have a lot of regret about how I behaved in my life, mainly how naive I've been about who to trust, the battles I took on where there was no point to them, arguments I've had with ppl and lost, what a low opinion they all must now have of me.

I recall EVERY single negative incident from my life, like the time I lied on my resume and got caught. WHO DOES THAT? A mentally disturbed person. That's me.

The worst part, I have a sweet beautiful child I should be taking care of instead but my work around him revolves around hiding my tears and pretending I'm fine so hes not disturbed seeing me like this. My husband does majority of raising him.

Is this clinical depression?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 10:49am
Only a doctor could tell you that for sure. It sounds to me like you have some anxiety symptoms, too (i.e., being consumed by thoughts of past bad choices and by what your neighbors/others think of you), but I am not a doctor, so I can't really say for sure. I know when I was first diagnosed, I thought I was bipolar (based on symptoms I read online). But when I went to meet with a psychopharmacologist, she went through a checklist of symptoms with me and said it wasn't bipolar; it was primarily clinical depression with anxiety/OCD/ADHD symptoms. There are very specific questions that the doctors ask and they make their judgment based on what your answers are.


Edited 2/10/2010 11:08 am ET by cameragirl78
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2009
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 12:17pm

YOU ARE NOT DUMB!!!!!!!!

siggy waterfall
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 3:05pm

I don't know if it is clinical depression, but it sounds pretty bad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2009
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 10:38pm

No medications because I am breastfeeding. I have considered them before I got pregnant as my depression has been in full swing for a year now. I was half joking with my husband that last week was the 1 year anniversary of its beginning.

I am in therapy and feel as it's helping but only temporarily because I go home and the next day I feel the same.

The suicidal thoughts come on sporadically and deep down I know I would never act out on them. I thought that I may be postpardom depression because my baby is only a few months old but from what I 've read about it, the predominant symptom is thoughts about harming the baby and I have zero of those. I love my beautiful sweet smelling baby and it rips my heart out that I am unable to function normally to interact with it properly.

I am paying for therapy out of pocket and my rate is very very reduced because my therapist really wants to help. Otherwise, I have no behavioral health insurance. Meaning, psychiatrist visit is not covered. I can't afford to see one.

I have considered going to E.R. one time last year but my husband said that they most likely would tranquilize me and release me, standard procedure. Because my extreme lows come and go, I haven't felt the need for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 9:46am

F.Y.I., the Discovery Health channel (or maybe it's TLC, I'm not sure) has a show next Tuesday night about a woman with bipolar disorder