Baby Name Etiquette?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Baby Name Etiquette?
12
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 2:06pm
Ok. What is the etiquette on baby names? My SIL & BIL are trying to get pregnant, her recently deceased grandmother's middle name was Elizabeth and when I recently told her that Elizabeth was a potential mn for our dd (dec.10)-she mentioned that she is planning on using that for their middle name when they get pregnant. SO, I had taken it off my list but I keep coming back to it. I love it. Actually, I like Elisabeth even better.

Is it wrong to use it bc she is set on it? Should I discuss it with her to see if she minds? Isn't it a SUPER popular mn anyway? What if they don't have girls?! What if they have all boys?! Then we both missed out on using it?

I had Elizabeth and Elisabeth on my list for a long time (actually with dd #1). I am actually considering it as a "first name-middle name" you know like Mary Elizabeth- calling her by both names. Does that make it different than just using it as a "silent" middle name? Would it really matter if we both had daughters with the middle name Elizabeth (possibly with a different spelling)?

Any advice would be great. I know people are funny about baby names when they get their mind set on it, especially when it has sentimental value. I don't want her to hold it against me but on the other hand, I would love to use it!AAHH! I wish Martha Stewart were free and able to answer my post! :)

Thanks,

Jen

12/10/04

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 2:54pm
I say if you both like the name, then it's fine for you both to use it. Especially if it's a name that you really have your heart set on. It doesn't sound like there would be too much (if any) confusion, since your SIL is planning on using Elizabeth as a MN, but even if you were both set on Elizabeth as a FN, I'd still say go for it if you love the name. My second child is due in March. We don't know the sex of the baby, but DH and I decided long ago--even before we conceived our first child (a boy), that if we ever had a girl we would name her Evelyn Grace. (We still can't decide on a boy's name, though!) When my SIL was expecting, she couldn't decide on what to name her baby girl, so she decided to use Evelyn as a FN. She announced this at the shower that I held for her, and my heart just sank. She knew we had chosen Evelyn Grace long ago for our girl's name! Anyway, I decided that there wasn't any reason that we should change our minds about a name we have loved for so long. I did let my SIL know that if we ever had a girl, she would still be named Evelyn. That way, she knew in advance that we weren't going to change our minds, just in case it would bother her for there to be two Evelyns. She said she didn't care, and we didn't mind either. After all, DH and I were naming a child we may never have, so we decided someone ought to get to use the name Evelyn!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 6:46pm
The early bird gets the worm. Best wishes, Ginger
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 7:08pm
That's a tough call, but my family does this all the time. There are lots of same names in mine, for example, my sister has a Faith Marie and our cousin is Galena Marie, our grandma is Arie Marie. Oh, yeah and we have a cousin Hannah Faith. Then, I have 3 first cousin Sarah's, one is on my dad's side, but the other two are on my mom's side. I just think it would be weird to name my dd the same as my neice for a first name! But, my fam doesn't mind! Plus, there are several Don's, Steve's, Alex/Alexis, etc.

*ali

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 7:44pm
Also wanted to add that my aunt had always been in love with the name Shannon for a girl. She already had two boys named Shane and Shawn when she had her little girl, so Shannon would have been a nice match. She ended up going with a different name altogether because my sister (her niece) is also named Shannon, and family members insisted to her at the time that there shouldn't be two Shannons in the family. Her children are almost grown now, and we still hear about how she wishes she has named her daughter Shannon instead! So I still hold that if you love the name, use it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 10:37am
I wouldn't name my child the same name as any of their cousins. However, a MN is no big deal. Go with Elisabeth.

For example, I love the name Lauren, but my new niece is named that so it's out for us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 10:43am
I hear your pain, Jen. I'm in a similar situation and torn about it. It was decided before either myself or SIL had a baby that we had picked the same girl name (family name) and she was all up in arms about it claiming that she picked that name long before I came into the family, etc. Ends, up she had a girl first and we are expecting and if it is a girl, I would still very much like to use it. It's not like I or you picked the name after hearing it was their choice, we all happened to pick the name without knowing the other liked it. Also, since it's a family name, I say go for it - what an honor to have not just one grandchild, but 2 grandchildren named after a grandparent. A few names have been used more than once in our family, but not both as fn's so this would be a first. In-laws seem to think that only one child should have the name, but I think if two people really love a name why not both use it and move on. I just don't get the whole territorial name thing. It really is a sore subject with me.

I would say definitely talk with her about it. After all, she already has it I don't know why she would be upset. I think my problem now is convincing dh that it's ok to have 2 cousins share a grandparent's name. After all, many families have first cousins with the same first name - mostly b/c boys were named after the grandfather, etc. I think my SIL has spoken to him and convinced him that it's not right and now he's adamant against using it???

Good luck.

Hope

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2004
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 10:50am
Here's my 2 cents just from personal experience.

My name is Elisabeth Charlotte - grandmother's names on both sides. My cousin is Sarah Elizabeth - again family related. Its never been a problem since she's Sarah and I am Elisabeth.

HTH

Elisabeth

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 1:22pm

I think it is perfectly fine to use the same middle name. What a beautiful name it is too!

In my dad's family, my grandmother had sisters Mary, Alice, Catherine and a John. All of her cousins all had the same names! LOL! Each of them ended up with weird nicknames and it was fine.

Even in my family we tend to reuse some of the names. My grandmother was Catherine Viola, my mom is Virginia Catherine, I have a sister Katherine and a sister Virginia. I have neices Katherine Carroll (kate), Katherine Carroll (Casey), Meghan Katherine, Hannah Catherine and my dd is Anna Catherine (Annie). Their ages are from 3 to 18 and we live all over New England and the Tri State area so it is not a problem. My ds is John Richard (Jack) after my dad (John/Jack) and fil (Richard). One sister has a Jonathan Richard after my dad (John/Jack) and her dh (Richard). My sister was going to name her son Jack Richard after my dad (John/Jack) and her fil (Richard) but ended up having a girl. We live 1.5 hours away and they would have been 5 years apart. I didn't mind. My dad passed away and I think it is great to honor my dad in so many ways.

I would speak to your sil and explain why you want to use the name. I bet she will be fine with it.

Best of luck.

Mary

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 9:38pm

(big sigh) Thank you for your responses. I still am anxious about talking to her about using Elisabeth/Elizabeth for a mn. I know that some people are sensitive about names.

Wish me luck!
Jen
12/10/04

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 8:54pm
I personally think it's fine for cousins to have the same middle names. I don't even think it's all that uncommon. I would, however, discuss it with your SIL. Some people are funny about that, and it could save hurt feelings if you get it out in the open before the kids are born.

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