Inlaws Deciding Name...

Avatar for sherylgold
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Inlaws Deciding Name...
8
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 9:54am
Hi Ladies,

What do you think of this? Be as honest as you want. You won't hurt my feelings. I've posted this on another board about a year ago, but since DH and I are starting to TTC in 2005 (actually, there is a chance that I might be pregnant right now), I've started thinking about it more and more.

During a visist to the inlaws while we were planning our wedding, my SIL and DH were having a conversation about how she wanted to name one of her three boys Christopher, but that she was *saving* it for DH. I was wondering what the heck DH was *saving* it for, and then I heard the story.

My DH isn't supposed to be here. His parents had my SIL first, and then my MIL had a still-born that she named Christopher. Then, later, my DH was born and they named him something else.

So, now, my DH wants to honor his mother and the still-born baby by naming his son Christopher. There are a few reasons why I don't like the name, personally:

1.) First of all, the name is derived from a still-born baby. Not to be superstitious or anything, but I don't like that idea at all--it gives me the creeps. I'd rather name my child after someone or something that has thrived.

2.) Our last name is hyphenated and very long, and having a long first name like that would be too much, IMO.

3.) I have no positive associations with people named Christopher in the past.

3.) Frankly, I simply just don't like the name. It has to many blended consonants: "chr" "st" and "ph", and I may be crazy, but most names don't do this.

4.) It is way too common.

5.) It is tied to a certain religious faith (it means "Christ-bearer"), and while I am Christian, my husband is not and we have agreed to raise our children to believe in God but to seek out their own path to spirituality because it really is a mature decision to make. I don't know why my husband, being agnostic, would want to name his child something so strongly tied to one religion.

6.) My inlaws aren't close to me, and never will be. They live far away. They rarely to come visit us, although they travel throughout the year to other places, but we are always the ones going to visit them. While I am comfortable with the distnace, I feel that they really aren't going to be helping us out or being a real significant part of the child's life once it is born--so they really shouldn't have a say in this area at all. At the most, I feel as if they are free to express an *opinion* but as far the final say goes--I say it's 50% my and 50% my husband's final *decision*.

Well, as always, I am putting the cart before the horse, but I do see this as a real issue that I may have to face soon. Any advice? Opinions? Vents of your own?



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 9:59am
Could you have Christopher as a middle name? My friend named her son Ethan Christopher. I certainly understand how you feel and all your points are valid. I would suggest offering the name as a MN (if you can stand it). To me that would be a compromise for both sides.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 10:03am
I can say that I understand how you feel. My name is Christina and I really dislike it because I'm not Christian. My family is not even particularly religious (I guess you could say they are secular Christians) so my name seems really out of place.

The only advice I can give is to tell your DH how you feel and talk to him about it. But don't let it turn into an argument. I don't know your DH, but I've found that my DF is pretty easy going about names. When I first mention a name he usually says he doesn't like it and throws out a suggestion for a boring common name. But the more I mention the names I like, they grow on him, and eventually he starts saying he likes them! Maybe this will work on your DH too. When I first started thinking about names I was determined to pass on some special family names, but once I found that many people didn't have a positive responce to the names I changed my mind. Maybe your DH will too. And what about using Christopher as a middle name?

Christie

#1 EDD 6/29/05

Avatar for smallonesmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 1:38pm
personally, my son is named after a still-born child. It was done out of remeberance of her only child. But, i also know children with the same name so it wasnt too superstitious for me.

I do feel that naming the baby should be something special between your husband and you. Express your concerns to your husband about the name and go from there. If you are like any other woman, the name will change about 500 times before the baby gets here anyway. :). and who knows, it could be a girl.... best wishes ~ Tam

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 4:13pm
Honestly I think you are overthinking this. Have you simply told your husband that you don't even like the name Christopher? Maybe that will help. I am a firm believer that you and the father of your child should both truly love the child's name or no dice. If I had my way exclusively, our DDs would be Sydney and Rory. If DH had his way they would be Catherine and Emily. But they are Kathryn & Natalie. We found names we both loved and that is so important (to me anyway). Personally I think grandparents who expect to have a say in their grandchild's name are way out of line and need to be slapped! (not literally) I also find it a little creepy as well as overbearing when people insist upon future kids being named after stillborn children. It can be a nice tribute, but I think it can also be a burden. My best friend recently gave birth to her son, Max Adrian Lucas. He is named Max because she and her husband love the name. His two middle names are Adrian after an uncle, and Lucas after the grandfather. Yet her SIL is totally angry that she didn't put James anywhere in the name, because SIL/BIL lost a 3 week old baby named James to SIDS several years ago and at one point SIL asked my friend if she would ever consider putting James/Jamie in a name to honor her child. My friend told her that yeah, of course she would consider it. And she did. But ultimately decided James wasn't a good fit. I think that is so totally rude (of the SIL) to even ASK.


Edited 10/29/2004 4:44 pm ET ET by gretchynb
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2004
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 7:38pm
I wouldn't use the name Christopher if you don't like it (and I think you've given several valid reasons for disliking it). He will be your son, and I think you should love his name. If you do feel some pressure to honor the memory of your dh's brother, maybe you could use his initials. I think using his initials would be a nice way to remember him but would also give you the opportunity to choose a name that you love. Good Luck!

Avatar for 3togetready
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-1999
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 1:22am
I agree with everyone else. It should be up to both of you what you name your child. If it's a name that one of you don't like then you need to choose another name. Or like someone else said a middle name might be a compromise. You don't use it very often so it could be something that you don't like too much. I used Rocco as my sons middle name. It's my dh first name but is not a first name I would give a child. But as a middle name it was fine. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Kelly mom to Christopher Rocco, Andrew Nicolas, and Emily Elizabeth

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 1:36am
The name you choose for yr baby should be one both you and yr hubby loves. Lets face it, the name you choose is going to be one you'll be yelling out often over the next 18 years so you had better pick one u like lol. Seriously though, I can understand yr reasoning and would probably be thinking along the same lines myself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 7:14am

Hey Ladies,


Wow! Thanks for the responses and the support. At first, I felt like I was being selfish (funny how just about any decision that would logically belong to you and your husband

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