dads who dont like mom's names

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2008
dads who dont like mom's names
5
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 2:38pm
hey all you women who say you love your names but your husband doesnt like it...while his opinion counts somewhat...with all due respect aren't YOU the one pushing this kid out? its hard to agree with your hubby on the perfect name but DONT go with something you dont like just because he finally finds a name he likes.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2005
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 2:42pm
I don't know... I tend to disagree. I actually think that his opinion counts a TON! While the female does carry the child and give birth, the baby is the child of both the man and the women, and I think couples should compromise! That said, if the husband is being totally stubborn and will only consider 1 name, then yes- the wife should be able to be a bit pushier, but I don't think that just because the husband doesn't give birth, his opinion only counts "somewhat". I think it's all about compromise and making sure that both partners are happy and satisfied.


                             
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 2:49pm

You will find a wide variety of views on this issue! Every family probably needs to decide this one for itself.

My husband really wants the baby to have his last name, and it means a lot to him. I was unwilling to agree to that unless I could choose the first name, since I had wanted a hyphenated last name. We both negotiate for a living, so we talked it out, I stuck to my guns, and we finally agreed: baby will have his last name, but the first name is up to me. I get to choose the middle name, as well, and he can choose a second middle name, if he likes. I can see that he is not wild about all of the names I am coming up with, but he is living with it, and he has to live with it. After all, we both gave up something to get something and to achieve a balance.

Avatar for dr_kae
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 9:12pm

I ditto this...in any healthy marriage, compromise is more important than "but I did..." If he's being a cuss, that's an issue...but it doesn't mean you have to be one back. That just creates tension and backbiting at a time you don't need it. Most people can find a middle ground. Besides, in most cases, the man may not be carrying and pushing out the child...but he's the one living with a pregnant woman, staying by you in the delivery room, maybe even earning most of the household funds for the duration of maternity leave. Men may not have the physical burden, but they are every bit an equal part of the parenting situation and need to be treated as such.

(Sorry...I've just seen so many men who, in trying not to be like past generations, let their wives have their way in everything from baby names to which grandparents are invited to birthday parties. I just can't be convinced that's healthy. Balance is key!)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2008
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 9:19pm
my marriage is plenty healthy, thanks...and he may or may not be there for the birth, he may be deployed to Iraq for a second time, so.....you may have BEEN with a lot of men (TMI) but unless you are married to a military man, its not exactly your normal marriage, we don't get along the same as before his deployment. Um, I believe a healthy marriage doesn't mean you won't argue or disagree.... I see that as plenty healthy..working out your issues. this is a totally different situation.
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Avatar for dr_kae
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 9:44pm
I've only been with the one, actually. But thanks for letting me play a character on "Sex and the City" in your imagination! Seriously, I've got no problem with a fair argument--I just think that playing the "I'm more important than you because I..." game isn't playing fair. (And I'd almost wonder if he doesn't warrant bonus points because he may not be ABLE to be present and accounted for at the birth...I mean, gosh, he's already missing out on so much if he's deployed. How sad to feel left out of the name, too. There. Now the balance is back.)

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