Do you think it's terrible...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Do you think it's terrible...
12
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 10:19pm

if we don't name our baby girl after our mothers?

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Avatar for dr_kae
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 11:35pm
I can see where your husband is coming from, but there's no law requiring that you use your parents' names. (Hey, I have no plans on using Ruth and it's both my grandma and my MIL's name.) Would it help your husband at all if you tucked it in the middle name position, so the first name would be more "you"?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 11:39pm
I have been having the same issue concerning naming my little girl after my mom. She's not pressuring me at ALL, but I still feel guilt about it. What I finally (after a lot of thinking) decided would be right for me is to use her same initials. I found three FN/MN combos I adore using her initials and I'll pick the right one of the three when I meet my baby in the fall. This may not work for you, but it's just an idea.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 12:36pm

I'd try to find a way to honor the mothers with a middle name - although Mary can be tricky in the middle


Mary is so plain, so old-fashioned, so common, although not commonly used anymore. I just couldn't do it on a baby girl in this era even in your situation


what are their middle names - both of the Mary's - could there be a way to create a name

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2008
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 3:16pm
I don't think it's bad at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 4:10pm

I love family names; "double" family names are wonderful to the nth power (our next son is already slated to have a "double" family name that we love).

That being said, I don't get the obsession. I have literally thousands (hundreds of thousands) of "family names" to choose from (we have our family history for 700+ years). Virtually none of them 'mean' anything to me.

My DD (due in ~5 weeks) will be named Rebecca, a family name which I love (it's my MN). I once did a poll here asking for votes on the MN and noted that most of the MN choices were family names. The first response told me to throw out anything that's not a family name (and then, ironically, chose the only non family name on the list as her fave). But WHY? Why not name a child something that you like (especially when we had the whole family name thing covered already)?

The MN that won the poll is my DH's pick, my MIL's name, a double family name--and it would kill my mother if I gave her that name. I'm still shopping around.

It would be cool to have a double family name if you loved it--but if you don't, DON'T DO IT. It's your baby (and your baby's life).

Ideas: as PP have said, Mary could be a MN. There are also LOTS of names "based" on Mary--Marie, Maria, Marian, Maryanne, Mair, Mairwen, Maliyah, etc. You could also find names with similar meanings (though according to BabyNames.com, Mary means "sea of bitterness," not altogether inspiring...).

Again, it's your baby. You can look around at your options, but if you don't find anything you like, don't sweat it.

Jordan
Mom to Hayden, 3 Feb 06
EDD 31 July 2008--It's a girl!
Jordan Mom to Hayden, 3 Feb 06 EDD 31 July 2008--It's a girl!
Avatar for jaime25
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2003
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 4:24pm

We're on # and have never used a family name for our kiddos. I never wanted to have anyone feel left out, and there are so many good baby names out there! I always figured, why repeat a name when you can find a new name? :)

I think it's completely up to you. Your family will get over it either way!

Good luck!

Jaime
#6 due 10/6/08

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2003
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 5:20pm
You are under no obligation to name your baby after anyone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 6:25pm
Naming a baby after someone can be very sentimental.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 10:39pm

I love the name Mary, but wouldn't want my daughter to be called Mary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Wed, 06-25-2008 - 10:13am

Wow! Thanks for all the replies and advice. Just so y'all know a little more background, here's more of the deal.

My middle name is Josephine, which I love. My pick for a name is Josephine Grace - call her Grace or Gracie. Now, first of all, I know Grace is popular and getting even more so. It kind of bothers me, but in all fairness, I have loved it ever since watching Little House on the Prairie (shows my age - haha). As I mentioned earlier, I also love the meaning, "God will add grace." (considering I have two boys already - ha!)

Also, just as an aside, I have no problem calling a child by his/her middle name. It's done here and in our family all the time.

Second, my mother's first name is Mary and so is my husband's who passed away eight years ago, so we do feel some small obligation to use Mary, which would bring us to Mary Josephine - call her Josie.

I can't decide if I like Josie or not. It might grow on me. We have a terribly long last name starting with "B" - like "Blackweather," so I feel like very few names have a good sound. Another problem is that my other two boys have names that start with "J" - James and John Bailey (double name).

We've passed around a lot of other nicknames and the only one I don't dislike for one reason or another is Molly - but we're not wild about it, really. It might grow on me as well.

We have some time to figure it out - and maybe one will just stick out eventually, but right now I'm just conflicted. Josephine Grace (call her Grace) is my fave, but popular and leaves out the moms. Mary Josephine honors the moms but I don't love the nickname possibilities (yet).

Thanks for listening and giving your advice. I just don't want to screw up, you know?

M :)

** I've changed the names of my children for security (no offense), but the names are similar enough for you to get the drift. :) **

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