HUGE fight withDH...NEED advice now!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
HUGE fight withDH...NEED advice now!!!!!
4
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 4:11pm
Ok i am really starting to get nervous and confuseed...i thought it was hard choosing a name for the twins...but its even harder for this one. I am due January 12 and I have NO CLUE which names we are using (we don't even have middle names) We don't know if its a boy or a girl so we have to pick two names when Its hard enough choosing one. My DH is no help b/c he just keeps saying he likes any of the names on our extremely long list, we got in a horrible screaming match last night because he keeps acting like nothing is important except for his job, we haven't got the baby room done yet, and he keeps saying he needs to concentrate on work so that he can feed his three children, whether there names are devon or kyndall or Kierstyn and keep me accustumed to driving my BMW (these were his exact words) so stop bothering him with it. I think i cried for 2 hours b/c he is never like that and all of a sudden its like we never talk about things besides work and money...and he apologized a lot after he said it but i didn't accept his apology and I haven't talked to him since yesterday and he is still at work. but it is important to me how he feels and what he thinks and I want him to care, b/c I could care less what car i drive and it hurts that he thinks thats all i care about. He wouldn't have said it if he didn't think it were true. I know that he is really stressed and has been working long hours, but I am really stressed too...i am home all day almost ready to have a baby, taking care of two one year olds, cleaning the house, cooking dinner everynight and I am tired. OK i have vented enough and I am sure no one will reply to this but if you do please give me advic or at least tell me that all men turn into (@!$**$#@!) at times like these! Im sorry for it being so long just really upset right now ?!
Casey Jean
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 4:41pm
Casey, I am sorry! You seem so stressed! Ok...men are difficult, that is true. When we were trying to find a name for our dd it was like pulling teeth to get my dh to talk names with me. Then when he did we never agreed. It was such stress until finally at 8mo preg we agreed! If your dh is being such a bummer about naming the baby (now remember, this is only my opinion), I think YOU and YOU ALONE should name the baby. Think of it as your special treat. You won't have to argue. Just pick something you love! Then when your child asks where his/her name came from, you can say mommy got to pick it out and it was such a special job. Men don't think like we do. They see things one at a time and us women can do and think of 200 things at a time. If he won't sit down and listen to you (explain you don't care what car you drive, just want him to help with naming the baby) then the heck with him. Do it yourself!
HTH and doesn't hinder
Leah

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 4:43pm
Well I am not married so I cannot tell you exactly what to do but i do have a boyfriend!!! here is what I think anyways. And dont worry about the venting, We all need to do it sometimes, especially when pregnant! As far as the names go maybe you could narrow it down to 2-3 names of each that you like on your own and then present him with those and see what he thinks. That way he wont feel too lost with soo many names and you still have a large imput. Tell him that it is important to make these decisions together and you want him to be involved in the whole process. As far as not talking to him since yesterday, you should talk to him tonight. Approach him in a way as to where he wont feel like you are attacking him. I am sure you appreciate all that he does to support you and your children and tell him that. But let him know that you NEED him to support you in an emotional way as well. People say things they dont mean when they get upset and I am sure he knows that your only concern isnt your BMW. I am sure you are a wonderful mother and you definatly have your hands full with twins. He may not appreciate all that you do because he is also trying his hardest to support you all financally. Everything will work out they always have a way of doing that. Also, if you can I know you are overwhelmed with alot of things but maybe you two can find a night to spend just the two of you away from everything and you might be able to get your mind off of all the worrying that you are both doing. The best thing that you can do is to stay positive. GOOD LUCK! Sorry if I blabbed to long or am completely off base. I hope this helps and feel free to vent to me any time!!!!
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 6:27pm

Oh, so sorry to hear how tough things are right now. But, you will both get through it. I think it's true that many men get like that at those times. My advice is to accept his apology. And, of course, you want his input, but if he doesn't give you any help, feel free to choose your favorite names. Then, he can't complain because he didn't help. Maybe the name isn't really that important to him, but it doesn't mean the baby isn't. Some people just aren't name people. Maybe you could give him a few short lists, one list at a time and ask him to circle his favorite (out of maybe 5). Then, put all those together, and make another list, do the same thing until you get it narrowed down to just one or two.

Good luck!
Ali

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 8:37pm

Thank you guys for being there right now...it was much easier then it would have been to ask family or friends what to do and I think its better that I got outside advice. I called DH up and told him that we need to talk when he got hime and we left the conversation off on a good note, telling each other that we were both sorry at least?!? Still upset but realize that we both are very stressed. I have decided (hopefully with the help of you guys ) that I am going to choose the top names with middle names that I like, give him the short list and go from there so that it won't take that much of his time and I know that he hjad a part in it. If he still doesn't want to help in that way then I will decide on my own and i will be happy about it. I just wanted to say thank you guys b/c i really took your advice to heart and have decided to use it. Now the only thing to do is pick the names and stop stressing and remember this is supposed to be a fun thing. so i am going to make it fun and not something that has to be done.

ok, i can breath now.
Thanx again
Casey