Birthing philosophy IRL, do you share?
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Birthing philosophy IRL, do you share?
| Thu, 03-27-2003 - 7:28am |
OK I got another one :-) When it comes to your personal birthing philosophy, how much do you share in real life situations? Let's say you go to a baby shower or a meeting with other mothers (with people you may not know very well) and, as it often does, the subject of childbirth comes up. Someone throws out a gem like "Well, I had to be induced because my baby was getting too big, and thank goodness my OB did that, the baby was already 7 pounds!" or "I had an epidural, you know that medicine doesn't reach the baby at all" or whatever. Do you jump in? Do you sit back and let the mis-information fly and then come here and vent? :-)
What about if it's a friend of yours, someone you know fairly well? Obviously if she asked you for advice you'd gladly share. But what if she is just talking about her latest OB visit and you hear something wrong that her OB told her, but she's not really asking for your advice? Do you jump in then, or do you sit back, or something else?
Would love to hear about how you approach these real life situations.
Hillary
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My friend who recently gave birth (the one whose baby is recovering from jaundice) wanted to be thoroughly educated, so I bought her a couple of books (Sears, which she didn't like; Good Birth, Safe Birth, which she did like) and she took it from there. I tried not to be preachy or anything, but I also tried to answer her questions honestly. She (fortunately) had a good hospital based class that sounded to me (second hand) very well done...and she had a birth *almost* free of intervention (only a heplock and an episiotomy, which she requested after 2 hours of pushing--not what I would have done, but at least it was HER decision).
Dee
A freind of mine just had a baby and she had an epidural and an episitomy. I did not go into how both may have been harmful, etc.
However, same friend a month ago commented that her OB was wanting to induce her because he was going on vacation. I gladly piped up with my opinion on that and surprisingly enough, so did another mother in the room. However, her options were - be induced or travel on winter highways to another hospital is she were to go into labour, and she chose induction. More than 48 hous later, her 6lb daughter was born.
I don't see alot of value in debating someone's choices unless they offer it for debate. But when it's still an option, before it becomes a choice, I think we SHOULD pipe up and offer that food for thought.
If someone said, though, that she had an epidural because everyone has to have an epidural in her hosptial, I think I would jump on that. I remember calling a friend on her comment that she "couldn't" breastfeed because her milk dried up when her daughter was 2 days old.
Cathie
Cathie
I do find myself biting my tongue a lot - I have even been known to lose sleep over some of the garbage I hear being done to women in my community.
But, to answer the question, I don't inject my opinion unless it seems appropriate - eg it's someone I know well, the person asks for my opinion, etc. I don't go around dispensing advice to random pregnant women. ;-)
Hillary
I think the scare tactics work bth ways. I don't see the question being that one-sided. She offered a few what ifs from her POV. But the same issue applies to the other side of the fence as well.
Cathie
I agree with Cathie that scare tactics work both ways when it comes to childbirth decisions. I have always considered myself a "moderate" on the issue. I think the MOST important thing is for the expectant mother to educate herself as thoroughly as possible and then make considered decisions about her choices. And that is the behavior that we BTDT Moms should encourage, not "my way is the right way," but rather "educate yourself and you'll know what is right for you and your child."
I have a dear friend who recently gave birth to a lovely baby girl. The BTDT Moms in her support group covered the three basic camps: Get the Drugs, Don't Get the Drugs, and the camp I sat in-- Educate Yourself and Then Decide (also known as-- Leave Your Options Open. LOL). The Mom in the Don't Get the Drugs camp was very vocal about her thoughts. My friend decided on an unmedicated birth and she was successful. I supported her 100%, but I do think she was scared into it and I feel badly about that.
I don't get into real life debates about either (that is *why* we have ivillage, huh?)
If I wanted to debate I could have one long life-long glorious debate with my sister-in-law who is *vocal* both directly & indirectly and has NEVER been asked not one time for her opinion LOL
I educate & inform myself thru reading, talking, searching the internet, and checking out info here at ivillage I see posted.
I don't need any one to question or try to sway *my* opinions and I'll respect theirs quietly.
I'm having a second epidural after a wonderfully successful first epidura delivery with my first baby. I *prefer* to be in a hospital surrounded by staff of medical professionals and my Ob and you better believe I want to be *in* the bed, not walking, squatting, sitting in a jacuzzi or taking a shower, moving about *unless* it is medically necessary for me to do so. I feel more comfortable, more satisfied, and no apprehension when I'm in a medical facility. It is a huge SAFETY factor for *me* personally!
But...others should have their births as they see fit. The only thing I think...is they should be educated on their decisions.
EDD July 6th
Just lurking by on a boring Friday afternoon...hello to all! Trying to get use to these new boards & how to use them LOL
Jen
Edd #2 11/9
This is why I HATE baby showers. They are nothing but torture sessions for expectant mothers with pretty decorations. But I digress…
In situations like this, I usually bite my tongue. Even if I am asked for my opinion, I usually censor it quite a bit. From my experience, people don’t want the information - they want validation that their choices were perfectly safe.
I would have brought a nicely wrapped a copy of “The Thinking Woman’s Guide” for the expecting mamma, though ;o)
In a one-on-one situation with a close friend, however, I’d be more comfortable correcting misinformation and, hopefully, initiating some sort of dialogue on the issue. And I would have bought HER a copy of 'The Thinking Woman's Guide" too.
HFRAZEY SAID: You're at a baby shower and someone says "Oh, you for SURE don't want to get an epidural, it will give you all sorts of back problems and you won't be able to bond with your baby, and you better watch out if you have an OB, he'll cut you from one end to the other! A homebirth with a midwife is the way to go!"
Same applies, except I’d hope I brought an asbestos suit with me to keep from getting fried from the back-lash that "someone" would get.
Christy
Christy
Stay home rocky mountain mamma to
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