I struggled with whether to come here(m)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
I struggled with whether to come here(m)
14
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 3:01pm
and unload or just to avoid everything altogether and shut out the world, but decided that if I didn't release some of this anxiety, I was going to FLIP OUT!!! I know my problems don't compare to those that some people suffer, like health issues, etc. but I feel crazy. If you can't stand to hear another one of my bellyaches, please don't continue to read, ok?

We just listed our house for sale. Wayne is at work and I had to make all of the decisons with the realtor. I feel completely overwhelmed. The market has dropped so much here in the past 3 months that we may not even come within $10,000 of what we need, bottomline, and my mind is reeling with how we are going to be able to survive financially. I know we always do, we are well taken care of, and I just need a good ol' freak-out to come back to earth. If we sell quickly, we have no place to live until Jan. If it doesn't sell, we can't pay for our new house. What a mess. I can't stop crying. I love security and peace of mind, neither of which I have...and being alone here doesn't help right now. Oh, and Wayne is going back to work out of town again (temporarily, one or two weeks). PMS surely can't help my breakdown right now, either.

I feel like I am going to be punished for wanting more (a new house) than I already had. How stupid is THAT?! Ok, I'd better get outta here before I start crazier talk. Boy, the games the mind can play. Guess it's time for positive thinking (how about no thinking at all)?

Buddies, thanks for never judging stupidity harshly!!

Roni :(

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 5:09pm
The mind does play games with us, doesn't it? Roni, I know exactly how you're feeling because that's right where I was just a few months ago: one house I couldn't sell, another one that we would lose if we didn't get the other one sold, handling everything by myself because John was 350 miles away, not that he would have been any help if he had been here. But I can tell you, in the end, everything worked out for the best, even though we ended up taking $10K LESS than we thought we had to have for our house. Isn't it funny how we always think things will work out best in OUR timing, the way we have them all figured out, yet it's always God's timing that's the best for us in the end. Looking back, it's so easy to see that. How come we can't see it looking forward? I guess that's what faith is all about, huh? ;-)

Roni, this will work out for you. And if you have to handle all this by yourself, then guess what? You've just gained a wealth of knowledge that you wouldn't have had the opportunity to learn had Wayne been by your side the whole way. Just take it one day at a time, and let the professionals walk you through it. Be sure to ask questions if you don't fully understand something.

You're going to get through this, and you're going to be so happy once you come out on the other side. I can tell you that for me, it was a huge struggle through the whole process, but I am so glad I never gave up. It was worth every struggle, tear, financial setup, etc.

Hang in there, buddy. I'll keep you in my prayers.

love ya, ~cindy

 

Avatar for umum
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 6:44pm
Roni, hon, you're gonna be ok. I think we can see by your post that deep down in your heart you know that. That being said, anxiety is a very old "friend" of mine so I think I know where you're at. It can just be crushing, can't it? And security and peace of mind are some pretty deep seated needs. Sometimes there's actually something to be said for no thinking at all,especially after a good cry. When you've done all you can do and you're stuck waiting, it can feel good to just let it all go for as long as you can, maybe watch a dumb movie or do some light reading or exercise or something fun. I hope you come share your feelings all you need to. It's gonna be ok!

Mel

P.S "crazy" my butt!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 7:50pm
I'm glad you came here, Roni. If I were handling all of what you're handling alone, I would stress out for sure. (((HUGS))) Sometimes, when I have something burdening me that I really can't do anything about, it helps me to visualize. I usually visualize God reaching His hands down and me putting the burden in them. When I start to worry again, I try to realize that I'm actually wrestling the burden right out of God's hands - that can't be a good idea, right?

Please, always feel like you can come here with your worries. Between all of these wonderful women, there will always be someone who understands.

((((((((BIG HUGS))))))) - Karen


 


 


 


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Avatar for muscrat56
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 9:03pm
Take 3 big deep breaths. Good girl, now place your troubles in the Lord's hands. When you do this I know you will feel better.

This is a HUGE responsibilty you are handling alone. But knowing you, as I feel I do, this is just one more "job" to do and you will do it well.

Coming here to "us" and "verbalizing" your feelings helps put everything into perspective.

So come on back any time you need to center yourself.


PS you "missed" a good chat last night. I admitted to CK and all buddies there that I'm begining to look forward to my exercise time every day. Now how "nazi" is that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Sat, 08-02-2003 - 11:26am
Thank you for the support and the prayers, Cindy...if anyone can know what this is about, it's you (and I've thought about you a lot these last 2 days, and how you managed to deal with everything and come out on top...and it really is comforting). Your advice is so smart, and welcomed. I feel much better today. I actually had to work a volunteer bingo last night (dreaded it all day), but had so many laughs with the crackpot I ended up working with that it really cleared my head. And then I get home, and our realtor (Wayne's childhood friend) dropped off a steam cleaner for our carpets so we wouldn't have to spend money renting one. We REALLY are taken care of, eh??LOL

And I KNEW that my buddies must've been doing some praying, because the load definitely felt lighter by the time I got to bed.

Oh, AND Wayne ended up getting to work back here as an 'emergency' (too many guys leaving to work out of town), so he won't be gone after all.

Amazing how unecessary my freak-outs are...maybe I'll learn that someday...ya think??LOL

Thanks again, Cindy...I really value your friendship (you're one-in-a-million!),

Roni :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Sat, 08-02-2003 - 11:33am
Okay, the 'crazy my butt' comment has me off my rocker with laughter (OMRL??)! Thank you for the perspective, Mel! Yes, anxiety seems to be an old friend of mine, as well, even though I KNOW it serves no purpose. You don't call THAT crazy???LOL

Sitting and waiting ain't my best thing, when I like to have things work like clockwork, but this is a lesson I need to learn, clearly. And I WILL let go of that which is out of my control, and deal with it as it comes.

Thank you for all of your stress-relieving suggestions. I KNOW I need to get back to regular exercise, and I DID do some light reading last night (one of Jensen's Dolphin Diaries books)...and I slept so soundly. And thank you for your care and concern...it means the world to me and I DO feel so much better today!

Big hugs,

Roni :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Sat, 08-02-2003 - 11:38am
I am sitting here, visualizing God taking all of my worries and carrying them for me. What an awesome picture! Thank you for this...you always come up with what I never could myself. Which is why you add so much to my life. At times, I think we are all soulmates here; that we all found each other for such undeniable reasons...and you just reinforced that thought.

I hope you know how much I appreciate you!!!!

Roni :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 08-02-2003 - 11:39am
Roni~~

My heart goes out to you, sweetie! What a shame that Wayne had to be away at this particular time. I'm sure the pressure is great to have to make these decisions on your own. Having a house built must be a HUGE responsibility, but in the end you'll be so happy once you're living in it.

I have a feeling that Roger and I will be having to make some difficult decisions in the coming months--lol! I've looked forward to this for quite a while, but now that it's actually starting to happen, my stomach is filling with the proverbial butterflies!

Just know that I will be praying for you. I'm sure you'll do the right thing.

Hugs~~E~~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Sat, 08-02-2003 - 11:48am
I took 3 slow deep breaths as soon as I read this. It felt good just to slow down. Exactly what I need to keep reminding myself to do.

And then I laughed heartily as I continued to read your exercise confession!! True exercise-nazi style!!!! Ok, I'll throw in a , too!

I DO have so much more perspective now...and my mind has stopped reeling and I am going to consciously take things as they come, instead of trying to figure out every possible end-result in my head. I sometimes HATE that I feel the need to be ultra-prepared for EVERYTHING!!

Thank you for the wise advice and for caring about me. I appreciate your friendship more than I can say and I always look forward to what you have to say on any given subject (especially 'cause I know there'll be a Musky-ism and a giggle in there, somehwere!!),

Love,

Roni :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Sat, 08-02-2003 - 11:55am
Thank you so much for your prayers, Elaine! They mean SO much! It's funny how you can want something, plan for something, and still get the butterflies about it when the time comes to do it, eh?? The sign on the front lawn renewed that queasy feeling this morning(fear of the unknown, I suspect...and melancholy about leaving the only secure home I've ever had), but I have no doubt that we will get through this smarter and happier than ever!

Thanks again for your wisdom, prayers and friendship...I am so lucky to have 'met' you!

Love,

Roni :)

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