Gerund use?

Avatar for finian
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Gerund use?
8
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 1:50pm

I'm doing an edit of one of my WIPs looking for verbs with -ing (that's a sign of a prefect tense right? lol). Along with my *sin* of using adverbs too much, I find I use lots of these -ing verbs and often in the form of gerunds starting a sentence. Seems I really like noun phrases (still remember diagramming sentences with Dr. Shelke and the rest of the class being mostly lost of she and I enjoyed the nuances of the English language hehe). Are these gerunds a weakness, tho, maybe a sign of sloppy writing?


Adding the paragraph in my WIP that lead me to this question:


Holding her with one arm The Queen pulled the chair out from the desk and, mindful of Mearr's comfort, eased into the chair. His expression tender, he smiled at her as she squirmed for a few moments before settling back against him. Noticing a blinking light on his answering machine, he pushed a button and after a moment, a voice issued from it. While listening to his messages, he leaned forward to turn on his computer and, with mouse in hand, began cruising through his email.


I enjoy the way the paragraph reads overall. It is made up of several actions that are happening at the same time as other actions and I can't seem to picture any other way of showing that fluidity of movement.



Love and Light, Joelle

Homeschooling mom to an

Love and Light, Joelle

Homeschooling mom to a 11yr old hydrogen molecule.




Follow me to these boards:


Avatar for finian
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: finian
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 8:40pm
well I did find this article

Love and Light, Joelle

Homeschooling mom to a 11yr old hydrogen molecule.




Follow me to these boards:


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2003
In reply to: finian
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 7:00am
NOT my favorite subject...lol

Photobucket

Avatar for finian
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: finian
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 8:07am
lol I was planning on a cup or two of coffee and at least one comment on that paragraph I posted with all the gerunds in it before tackling any more editing :D

Love and Light, Joelle

Homeschooling mom to an

Love and Light, Joelle

Homeschooling mom to a 11yr old hydrogen molecule.




Follow me to these boards:


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2003
In reply to: finian
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 8:21am

I didn't look at your link, but here are clear, concise definitions and examples of gerunds and present participles.


The "trouble" with participles is fourfold:

Photobucket

Avatar for finian
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: finian
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 8:39am

LOL I forgot Eleyne's the only person on the board who's familiar with The Queen. He is very much male :D. I do see how several spots are very inactive, passive. Once I kick Finn off my computer (I'm on dh's at the moment) I'll get back to editing :D

Love and Light, Joelle

Homeschooling mom to an

Love and Light, Joelle

Homeschooling mom to a 11yr old hydrogen molecule.




Follow me to these boards:


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
In reply to: finian
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 9:15am

I agree with Lynda's evaluation of the paragraph, Jo. My thoughts are that you have a lot of things going on here, which may or may not all be necessary to the scene. Some of the actions might distract from the feelings that you are trying to create. Keep the big picture in mind as your edit and also write a series of actions as a string, rather than a multitude of simultaneous actions. As Lynda said, a gerund is OK at times, but shouldd be avoided when there is a better alternative. "He sat ... and glanced

Avatar for finian
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: finian
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 9:42am
nods. I'd thought that I was showing simultneous movement when I first looked at the paragraph in this edit, but now I see it's confusing, tho I did have a giggle at Lynda not knowing The Queen is a man :D. It reminded me of how I explained The Queen's gender and sexuality before asking you to read anything from this series

Love and Light, Joelle

Homeschooling mom to an

Love and Light, Joelle

Homeschooling mom to a 11yr old hydrogen molecule.




Follow me to these boards:


Avatar for finian
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: finian
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 9:52am

okay, here we have the edited paragraph. Remember that The Queen is a guy lol


The Queen pulled the chair out from the desk as he held Mearr with one arm around her waist. Mindful of her comfort, he eased them into the chair. His expression tender, he smiled at her as she squirmed for a few moments before settling back against him. A blinking light flashed on his answering machine. He pushed a button and watched it until the message playback started. He half-listened to his messages as he leaned forward and turned on his computer.

Love and Light, Joelle

Homeschooling mom to an

Love and Light, Joelle

Homeschooling mom to a 11yr old hydrogen molecule.




Follow me to these boards: