I don't want to circumcise my son!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2006
I don't want to circumcise my son!
12
Mon, 09-21-2009 - 7:01pm
I am 7 months pregnant and don't want my son to be circumcised. His father is not circumcised either, but he always felt uncomfortable about it while he was growing up. The problem is that people keep asking my husband and I what our plans are about the issue. When I tell them that we will not circumcise, they respond with disgust. They say things like, " An uncircumcised penis looks gross" or "People will make fun of him for being different." I don't mind an argument, but I do mind it when my husband has to hear it because it's like a direct blow to him. Why can't people accept the fact that it's normal to be uncircumcised. That is the way boys are born, so why do people shun the natural state? Also, how can I stop my family from saying these things in front of my husband without letting everyone know that he is uncircumcised? I hate that my husband feels embarrassed and that other people give him reasons to be embarrassed.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2008
Mon, 09-21-2009 - 8:36pm
sarahlynn2001 said:

Why can't people accept the fact that it's normal to be uncircumcised. That is the way boys are born, so why do people shun the natural state?


Because by accepting that they must accept that something very wrong was done to them or they did such a thing to their children. It's a classic defense mechanism.


sarahlynn2001 said:

Also, how can I stop my family from saying these things in front of my husband without letting everyone know that he is uncircumcised? I hate that my husband feels embarrassed and that other people give him reasons to be embarrassed.


Well, it's up to you but I would do one of two things. Either let the hammer down and tell them you're not going to do it and it's not any of their business. I would hope you will tell them why, there is no need to mention your husband is intact. Or perhaps better get your husband on board and do the same thing. What is the shame in admitting that he is intact? People tend to shut their trap when they know the target of their slurs are among them KWIM?


I would prefer you go the second route which includes your husband in defense of your son and himself but I can understand why you might just tell them it's none of their business without elaborating much. FYI I am an intact guy myself so I do know a bit about it. ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2009
Mon, 09-21-2009 - 9:41pm

Hello Sarah (or do you prefer Sarah Lynn?) - welcome to the board!


I'm so very sorry your husband feels embarrassed with his natural penis. He may have felt uncomfortable in his youth but he is in the company of many more intact American males now!


If you both feel able, I would like to suggest that together you 'take the bull by the horns' and point out the pleasurable benefits of a foreskin -


CL - Circumcision Debate


"Education is the discovery of our own ignorance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 12:34am

Welcome and congratulations on your pregnancy. Exciting times!

Why not tell those who call your unborn baby 'gross' and 'disgusting' that their obsession with your son's penis is gross and that you refuse to discuss it with them anymore!

Then tell them that either they knock it off or they won't have to worry about your baby at all. Ever.

Your husband is your life partner, please don't let them hurt him like that.

When the subject comes up, state "Baby's parents will do as we deem best. How 'bout those Broncos?" or, "We've got it handled, thanks. Have some bean dip.", or "As baby's parents, we'll take care of it thanks. Can you drop the subject or do we need to try visiting again later?"

They are treating you with extreme disrespect, telling you you are not smart enough to make this choice for your son.

And are bullying and hurting your husband in the process.

As for "new questioners", just tell them that you and your husband will handle any decisions and change the subject.

Rude, personal questions do NOT require an answer. If the questioner turns out to be seeking genuine info, the opportunity is still there.

Just as you do NOT have to put up with birth horror stories just because someone wants to "share with you", neither do you have to put up with people calling you stupid or your unborn son disgusting just because they want to "share with you" their ignorant opinions.

Find that inner Mama Bear early and exercise her often.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2005
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 8:58am

You need to tell people who argue with you about it that it is not up for debate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 10:03am

Congratulations!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2009
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 12:14pm

Hi, Sarah Lynn,


First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy!! Parenthood can be clearly the best thing that can happen to any (ok, most) human being.


Getting to your question:



The problem is that people keep asking my husband and I what our plans are about the issue. When I tell them that we will not circumcise, they respond with disgust. They say things like, " An uncircumcised penis looks gross" or "People will make fun of him for being different."


It is unfortunate that such a happy ocasion as pregnancy gets dragged through the unecessary circumcision mud in the USA.


What I learnt from my own experience was that we (who reject circumcision) should not be the ones to be either accommodating, apologetic, or overall in the defensive. We do not have to explain ourselves. Those that are willing to circumcise and/or insist on circumcision, whether by ignorance, insecurity, or cultural/religious beliefs, should be the ones explaining themselves. We should be the ones "responding with disgust".


I knew at the time when my son was born

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2008
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 12:36pm

Hi Sarah, welcome.


I'm a very blunt person and would honestly say "my son's penis is none of your concern, and if you continue on this perverse line of discussion I'll have to ask you to leave.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2002
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 5:49pm

I am so sorry!

siggy by Cheryl

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 6:15pm

<>


I would tell them that you have no plans.

2010 Siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2003
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 8:51pm

Anyways, since your hubby feels uncomfy of his normal status

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