What is wrong with me???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
What is wrong with me???
1
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 11:52am
Thank you all for your responses to my earlier message. I saw my psychiatrist yesterday, who convinced me to eat...which I did. After eating, I felt 100% better physically. But then, I weighed this morning, only to find out that in one afternoon of eating I'd gained back all 6 lbs I'd lost while fasting. Unbelievable.

And now I'm fighting the urge to binge. It's been hitting really hard ever since I ate yesterday. My body's reaction to being starved for days, I'm sure, but I wish it would go away. I feel like I just go from one extreme to the other - never resting on a middle ground.

I feel a little bit better emotionally after seeing my psychiatrist. She let me cry, and listened to how frustrated I'm feeling. She also put me back on one of my medicines which I'd just managed to get off last week, so I wasn't terribly happy about that. In fact, we had quite the debate about it - and I lost. lol. I also just talked to my dietician on the telephone. She can't fit me in for an appointment this week because she's going out of town, but she advised me - and I'll see her next week. So, overall, I'm feeling at least good enough to function...which I wasn't yesterday. In fact, I spent most of yesterday lying on the floor behind my desk wondering why I even bother to get out of bed (very professional behavior for a lawyer, no?) lol.

But, I'm still not feel infused with much hope. Maybe this is the best it gets. Maybe whatever's wrong with me is here to stay...

Anyway, thanks to you all of you, and thanks for letting me post on your board!

Love and hugs - Grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 1:18pm

Hi Grace,


It does get better than what you are describing. I've lived it and I am SO much better. The worst for me is counting calories and not being entirely happy with the size and firmness of my thighs. That's huge after bingeing, purging, starving, sneaking, crying, calling in sick, etc. for about 22 years. It just takes time and the more you work on it the better it will get.


I am so glad you are seeing a therapist and a dietician. Very healthy!! And who says lawyers can't lay behind their desk for what ever reason.

Love & hugs, Kristina