worst day of my life,do u use laxatives?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
worst day of my life,do u use laxatives?
4
Wed, 10-15-2003 - 3:28pm
hi

this has been the WORST day of my life...ever. i thought i was doing so well, then i woke up this morning and it all went so terribly wrong. i went through the day at school differently from usual...i had no brekkie and no lunch...i was feeling strong...wot a joke.... i had to go into town, so i couldnt resist bars of all types of chocolate, cakes etc. then i realised wot woz gonna have 2 happen after, so i put them bak on the shelf, only 2 pik them all up again, buy them and storm out of the shop. i bought 1 other thing....laxatives. have u ever used them? ive just purged over and over and over and over and over and over .... u get the picture? well after that, i swallowed a bunch of laxatives and am waiting for the effects...i looked them up on the internet and apparently they dont work..anyone had any experience with them??

i am thoroughly depressed...i let the bastard food beat me..i binged..i havent done that for almost two weeks...really thought i was making progress, then i have to try to become anorexic.

i HATE myself sooooooooo much. i HATE purging and i HATE binging...eating so much you feel absolutely sick...and then you make yourself sick and then you feel awful...and then you worry your parents will find out...and then you worry about every other thing going wrong in your life.

i HATE my life...i HATE me. i just want to lie down and never wake...curl up in a ball and disappear.

GREAT....now ive bloody well started crying...why am i so weak? so pathetic...so fat?

WHY WHY WHY?

sorry if i totally depress everyone

dunno wot 2morro will bring...dont think i want 2 know

lauren
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-15-2003 - 5:52pm
Stay away from the laxitives, please. I used to take them and yes they would cause me to let it all out, but eventually they stopped working and I would take more and more everyday. Well, I didn't know that the food I was eating was still going through my system, so I wasn't really getting rid of a lot of the fat and calories of the food. Eventually I started to put the weight on the I had lost from just binging and purging. Also, the health problems I have because of them. My colon doesn't always work, I have a tumor on it now and I can not have diarreha at all. I go through the pain, but then nothing and I get constipated. Also, when I am constipated now, laxitives don't work on it at all. Which is good, so I don't go back to them, but bad because I get in so much pain at times. I am just telling you all this because I don't want you to suffer the way I have. I hope this helps and I am praying that you have a better day. Love ya and hang in there!! Sharon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-15-2003 - 6:05pm

Hi Lauren,


I totally agree with Sharon and second what she said. I abused laxatives and after a while they just don't work anymore and equally, I think I have stomach and colon issues now as a result.


And just because of what happened doesn't mean you didn't make progress in the two weeks you abstained. Those two weeks are not gone because you binged today. I know right now that's probably hard to see, but you need to look at what you have accomplished.


Recovery is always easy and there will be times when we have setbacks, but you can't let that stop you from moving forward. Do what ever it takes to make it through this day by being kind to yourself and try to also look at what happened and how you might be able to prevent it from happening next time.


Hang in there Sweetie, it gets easier.

Love & hugs, Kristina


Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 10-15-2003 - 8:10pm
Hi, Lauren,

I'm sorry you've had such a rotten day. I know *exactly* what you mean about thinking you've been doing so well, and then ruining it all in one afternoon. It seems like you're making such good progress, and then boom....it all falls apart. And you think that all your hard work has been for nothing.

My psychiatrist says that improvement is cumulative, though. She says that messing up once doesn't undo two weeks of doing well...and that eventually it'll all add up and you'll be better. I know that's a hard one to swallow - it is for me, too. But I try to remind myself of that when I have a relapse.

I also know what it's like to try to starve yourself, and then end up driving yourself to a binge. That has been my life this week! And the thing that is *so* frustrating about it is that I know better, and yet I do it...over and over again.

I also understand how frustrated - and hopeless - it makes you feel when it seems like the food is controlling you. What is it about that candy bar that makes me lose my mind, so to speak? I can think so clearly and rationally, until it comes to food - and then it's as if I have no willpower, nothing... I've been in therapy for 1 1/2 years now, and still don't understand it. I do know that it's not the food itself that is so powerful, but whatever it represents for us - comforting, soothing, acceptance, etc... But I still don't know how to use that to make this thing go away...

Anyway, I don't have anything profound to say to you...just wanted to let you know that someone out there understands. I'll remember you in my prayers tonight, okay?

Take care, and keep your chin up,

Grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
Wed, 10-15-2003 - 10:12pm
Hey, I know exactly how you feel too. Does ANYBODY know about what you're doing? I just told my boyfriend yesterday and it helped me more than I ever could have imagined. Now, I've got one good day under my belt. You've got two whole weeks of good behavior. It's ok for that mess up. Just keep trying. I've used laxatives and just like everyone else said, they DO stop working. Stop them now. And hey, I don't know where you live, but if you need someone to call just out of the blue, you can give me a call. Here's my email if you want to take me up on it. kphelan@uiuc.edu you can do it! it gets worse before it gets better.