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| Thu, 10-16-2003 - 1:38pm |
Mine: Ronzoni shells, ricotta cheese, tomato sauce; basil. Big bag of plums. Oatmeal.
Hers: LeCarb ice cream, Sugar Free edy's ice cream. Fat free soy dogs. Cans of tuna. Vegetables.
I thought: Wow, she is so thin. What does her face look like.
I thought: her face is eh. She looks drawn and tired. She has a haughty expression. She doesn't look that well.
I thought: Maybe I should put back the pasta and oatmeal. Maybe I don't need groceries at all. Maybe I should buy some le carb ice cream.
I thought: I used to eat what she's eating and little else. Ugh. I don't want tuna. I don't want le carb ice cream. But I still wonder if I should try to look like her again.
I looked around to see if anyone was admiring her.
Um, no one even noticed her.
No one cared that she was underweight.
No one cared that I wasn't underweight.
I thought: You know, trying to cheat my body into being underweight is not nice. I am trying to cheat myself, and I'm trying to be not nice. Here's my new way of thinking, and I put it in a post today already: if I wouldn't do it to my best friend, I won't do it to myself. And I definitely would not try to force my best friend to live on cans of tuna and plain soy dogs.
Soooooo I bought my groceries
And then I went home, made my dinner
(And later on ate all 3 pounds of the plums I had bought, which set me off on a sweets eating rampage that lasted two days, but that's another story...)
Well, who said recovery was easy.
Thanks for letting me share that.
Shortie.

I like your new way of thinking. Try to stick to it as best as you can and know that if it doesn't always work you are not a bad person. We all run into problems during recovery, the important thing is to let it go and keep moving forward.
Hmm, 3 lbs of plums. What did your tummy feel like after that?
Love & hugs, Kristina
I hope you are laughing...
Well, it may take some time to find a buyer. On the other hand, you could get a phone call tomorrow. (I'm sure you have done this already, but here goes) have you contacted any big chains of clubs? I only ask because it seems like everything in New York city right now is being bought by New York Sports Clubs. We have NYSCs at every major intersection, it seems!
Ah, recovery. The search for comfort and happiness and self love. Goodness, it is SO darn hard. It is SO hard!!!!!!
And you are right, to be that skinny is NOT what we want for ourselves, not realistically and not for health and not for looks.
I look forward to the day when Thinspiration is not everywhere I turn. (Might actually have to leave NYC for that day to come, since so many people here are haggard and frail to the extreme. Or maybe just the ones that I take notice of are.)
Well, I see you have another post here and I'm going to read it now
Shortie