therapy yesterday, trigs
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therapy yesterday, trigs
| Thu, 10-16-2003 - 5:59pm |
I had a good session, which I usually do. We talked about my anxieties and schedules as well as my exercise obsession. Basically I am loopy I think!! I told her that I have noticed that I am clinching my teeth all the time and my shoulders are wrapped around my ears, especially during a meal. I know I have been stressed with trying to sell the club, but this is getting ridiculous! I just can't relax!! So today I took six minutes and did deep breathing and relaxation stuff, it helped! I need to do it everyday and maybe just maybe I will relax! Hubby has been stressed too and I know that has been stressing me out. I am just so tired of the schedules and the rituals and I know I complain about this a lot, but enough is enough. So why don't I quit!!! The exercise thing I work on everyday, but I can't make myself ease up as much as I should. I also am just terrified to put on weight and I am tired of people telling me too. I want to be the size I am now, so leave me alone!! Sorry, just had to get it out!! I love therapy, it really helps me get it out and be honest to someone since I can't be to anybody else about my feelings!! I could be honest to hubby and family, but I am scared to be. They know all of my struggles for the most part, but some things I hide from them. Basically because I am ashamed of what I became. Anyone ever feel that way? Well, gotta go!!
Love ya all, Sharon

I'm with you on the deep breathing. It is, as my yoga instructor friend says, "powerfully beneficial."
Look, you have a therapist you like, a club to sell (some people have nothing in the world except their poor lives), and a loving husband and family. You've got a good head on your (tensed) shoulders and you are doing your best.
Let's all relax and meditiate our EDs away. OK, let's breathe and chant now, om om om...
take care
Shortie
Hey Sharon,
I have a question for you. Realistically, do you think you are TOO thin or are you just on the thin side but not unhealthy? I am pretty much back to where I was before I started to have all the problems before surgery. My workouts are bringing results again and I feel better, aside from the bloated stomach every day. But my Mom tells me every single day how skinny I am and says I am too skinny. My husband thinks I am too skinny but that's because he likes curves - more curves than I have. But I am within the normal weight range for my height and no doctor has ever said that I need to gain weight. Actually, they typically tell me that I am really healthy.
So you may want to think about it and if you are not on the unhealthy thin side and you like the way you look, then don't beat yourself up for wanting to stay this way. At least not right now. I kept beating myself up for counting calories still, but my therapist told me to continue because I seem to need it right now. It made me feel better. I think people with EDs tend to be very legalistic, especially with themselves, and if we don't accomplish things overnight we think we're failures or at least think negatively of ourselves.
Anyway, just a thought. Hope you're doing ok today.
Love & hugs, Kristina
Love & hugs, Kristina