has this ever happened to you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
has this ever happened to you?
3
Tue, 10-21-2003 - 4:52pm
hi

had a really fun day; went to a lord of the rings exhibition it had great stuff on all the special effects and all the costumes and props, it was absolutely great i went with a friend. we had a sleepover last night and chatted loads (until about 3am actually!) it was so much fun. then i got home this afternoon and it all went wrong.

had a bit of a binge, not a huge one coz theres not that much food in the house at the moment, but it was definitely a binge. i waited half an hour then went to have a 'bath' a lot of my baths these days are actually just excuses to be in the bathroom for ages. so i was purging and....blood came up, not loads but quite a bit. has that ever happened to you before?? another thing, im gonna have stop bingin for at least a week if not two coz my hands have blisters on them where my teeth rub when im ..... well ...you know.

im gonna binge, i know it, cant seem 2 help myself at the moment...its the school hols so im at home all day 2morro, home alone. the worst possible thing...recipe for disaster really. bloody hell..why am i bloody crying??? why does food make me so bloody miserable????????????? must be the time of the month..im a wreck at the moment...cant do anything right. the friend i talk 2 bout all this, the only person in the world that knows what i look like and my big, dark, depressing, stupid, pathetic secret has gone on holiday over seas so i cant talk to her..she didnt take her mobile so, if your reading this, be warned...i think your gonna get a lot of these kinda messages from me in the next week. i apologise in advance for offloading all my crap onto anyone who reads this. ive no doubt its totally depressing. sorry if theres a bunch of spellin mistakes but the bloody tears are blurring my vision................god i HATE myself so much. i miss my friend.why am i such a pethetic wreck???????????

bye

lauren

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-21-2003 - 5:30pm

Lauren - I have experienced blood while purging before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Tue, 10-21-2003 - 6:01pm
hi melissa

thanx 4 replying

since i posted that (and i agree - i need help, i have agreed about that for a long time, i just havent been able to pluck up the courage to tell anyone apart from the ppl who also have an ed eg my friend and this board. im in england, so its actually about 11pm here, and since i wrote that post, my family have all gone to bed, and i have been surfing the internet; i did an iq test, it was fun. so im not as depressed any more, in fact, in half an hour my mood has completely changed...im a hormonal teenager and proud of it heehee. thanx for the advice. all i can promise to do is to try to get help its just ive been trying to tell other friends..had quite a good opportunity at a friends house last night, but i just cant. i dont know what ppl will say...they'll treat me different...in fact, i have a really bitchy school...someone in my year confessed they had bulimia to the chaplain...ppl on my coach were being complete bitches about and saying stuff like 'she has so many problems...she's such an attentiion seeker' and 'she brought it on herself, its her own fault...' i was so pissed off with them!! like ppl with eds want eds; i hate my ed, and as far as i know...so does everyone who has one. anyway...i dont get the feeling that everyone would be that supportive and my family wouldnt know what to do...i couldnt put them through anything like that..its not fair on them

thanx for listening

hope i can help if you ever need any

*hugs and kisses*

lauren

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-21-2003 - 6:30pm

I am here to listen whenever you need it Lauren - I have definitely been there and done that.