please all bulimics read
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| Sun, 10-26-2003 - 1:14am |
this is ten years ago. my teeth are rotting out of my head. my mouth has ulcers, which are freaking me out, because there is little difference between an ulcer and cancer. and this delayed reaction may only get worse.
it is a delayed reaction. i never knew about this, but basically what i am seeing is that people with bulimia have their complications when they are finally happy (in their mid- to late-twenties) and then they might die from them, that is, if they simply dont have the biological equipment to deal with it.
i believe ppl should be able to do pretty much what they want, but im just posting this as a service to some girl who may read it and think, wo, maybe i should take a sport up instead. i dont know. changing a bulimic is as difficult as making a million dollars. but just remember, in 10 years you might be dead. i dont know why no one told me this one before. i always thought it was just a joke, really. i was just fooling around and getting thin quick, because im vain. but, you can die. not just from a rupture, but from a 10 year rot. no one told me, prolly because all the doctors just love to make their money. now, do they really help us? i dont think so. and i dont think their helping you. how about the truth if they wanted to:
like the fact you could die 10 years later, which may seem like a long time for some of you young ones, but it wont be when you get here, especially since when you may finally be happy. when things are good, time gets short. so you may have the extended misery of your present life with a quick minute of your happy life. its hard to explain. i remember when i was young thinking ppl in their late 20s were impossible fogies, but really youll be the same.
i just want to share my anxiety with some of you. i dont undertsnad why they dont say your body can rot. think about it, your body can rot. youll be currently alive and breathing, but the acid will be secretly killing you, making you dead, like a rot. have you ever seen one of those freaky horror movies where theyll have brown, emaciated living skeletons. thats you (or possibly me now) inside! gross out, no?
just to say something, most bulimics barf because they cant stand their own guts, the fact that life isnt moving quickly enough (theyre usually intelligent), and they cant stand other ppl so much, but they think other ppl are better and want to please them.
guess what? most ppl are plain morons! and you can make them even more jealous simply by doing weight lifting 2x per week since most ppl are sitting on their asses picking their noses doing nothing whatsoever. most ppl arent worth it. they just arent. o man! im telling you. its unbelieveable.
cheers!
Edited 10/26/2003 2:17:32 AM ET by giggly_goil
Edited 10/26/2003 2:22:55 AM ET by giggly_goil
Edited 10/26/2003 2:24:16 AM ET by giggly_goil

Hi there and welcome to the board!
thanx 4 the warning...i think that if i did manage to stop purging completely, it wouldn't happen for a few months yet, but i do think i would probably be like you - purge every now and then...however, it must be better than now (im sitting here, in front of my computer, and both my hands have blisters from purging so much, they both have 2 spots that are blistered and red and raw....at least it means i wont be able to purge for a while...tonight was not a good night at all...half an hours constant purging after quite a binge this evening, i only stopped coz my parents came upstairs and would have heard if i had carried on...i am not quite as bad as i used to be, i used to do this every night, now its about every other night, though i did have 2 whole weeks without purging...then school broke up for half term and i was at home all day last week but i managed only to purge on 4 out of 7 days which is a lot better than other holidays ive had....however 2morro im goin on holiday with a friend and my hands are all blistered so i dont think ill be able to for a few days (one moment im happy about this, the next im totally depressed...i have major mood swing issues) i think this holiday will be great fun though.)
anyway...thanx for the warning, it wont stop me completely...that will take a long time and were always being told at school that bulimics have other issues that makes them bulimic (there was me just thinking we didnt like being fat!!) though i have to admit we are a bit obsessive and over the top in our way of becoming thin, so maybe they're right....i just have to figure out what my other issues are before i can sort them out! didnt know i had any to be honest.
oh, and one other thing...ive been doing loads of excercise and, obviously, since i purge, i havent been digesting all the food i eat (which isnt much anyway) but i havent lost any weight for months....do you know why? coz im confused.......
sorry if i just moaned on about me and my issues
hope i havent bored whoever reads this
*thanks for the warning*
lauren
At any rate, I am having the following issues: GERD and ulcers in my mouth because of that, a possible ulcer, permanently swollen parotid glands (salvary glands), and a menstrual irregularity like pcos or endo. I have so many symptoms, I don't know what do do with them. But late last night, I found a web page that said these are the symptoms of bulimia. My point is they are:
SYMPTOMS THAT COME 10 YEARS LATER.
I don't know how bulimic you were, but I was severely indulgent in this respect during my teenage years. I not only need 16k worth of dental work, but I need prescriptions to acid reducing drugs and possible surgeries.
I was bulimic from 14-18. I was the kind that was anorectic. I weighed 84 lbs (I'm 5"4) and did not get my period. When I was 20, I started getting menstrual cramps that lasted 8 days (1st 3 the worse) that made me feel like I was on fire. I also developed cystic acne. I went on bcps which lessened the cramps. And I went on accutane which got rid of any acne. But I am virtually stuck on bcps. And I am told there is a high possibility I will never have children.
On top of this joyful thing which I never coorelated to being related to my eating disorder, when I was 23, I started getting ulcer-like symptoms. Crushing pain in my abdomen. No one has been able to figure it out. I recently went to a GI who is doing tests (at long last). I might have a ulcerative colitis. Ulcerative colitis = hershey squirts 5x per day. PAIN. What else can happen?
I also have GERD. That's acid reflux disease. My teeth are rotting. I'm finally on medication for this. But at present, I have lovely ulcers all over my mouth.
My salivary glands are permanently swollen, which means it feels like I have swollen glands every day of my life. Would you believe I thought I had cancer? My face is a round puff ball. I saw an ENT for this and she said no, it's because I'm bulimic. Well, I am not. Well, she said, then it's a side effect of severe bulimia in the past.
The biggie: Guess what comes next, boys and girls? Yes, when you look at the list of side effects, kidney failure and heart attack. I am walking around with the delayed effects of my eating disorder. But what comes next? I could be walking around tomorrow, and have a major heart attack. As it is, I have begun to experience heart palpitations.
One other side effect I am going to a doctor about: possible blindness.
So there it is, it prolly won't deter anyone, because I remember being stubborn. Bulimics are sure stubborn and very competitive by nature. Not just talking about myself, but all of my fellow coo-coos I used to know. But you know what, hopefully someone will read this and take heart. No one ever told me my effects could be delayed. I never experienced problems when I was bulimic. I was, like, f you to everyone in my head thinking I was invincible or that it didn't matter if I was dead or not. But if someone told me this would happen long, long after I stopped? Whoever reads this, you will be thinking quite differently 1o yrs later when you finally find yourself and some happiness. When the pain goes away, your not going to just want to die.
It is my theory doctors don't tell their patients about this because a) they don't know, and b) they just want to make money (psychologists/psyciatrists in particular). Why do I say this? Because I saw the best money can buy and I never heard it from anyone! Of course, I don't shove the blame at them. I have myself to blame. But I can't help but think, would I have done anything differently if I had known.
That is why I am posting this here.
Yikes - I had no idea the list was so long for you.
Thanks,
Amanda
Hi Amanda,
Your question is not confusing but I don't think there are any set answers. Everybody is different and everybody's body is different. Some may have problems after a year, others may not have any until 2, 3, or more years. That is really hard to predict
As for what is considered too much - ANYTIME you make yourself vomit voluntarily is too much. Whether that's once
Love & hugs, Kristina
Thanks again for your reply,
Amanda :)
That is a powerful post and your writing is clear and strong.
Have you read "Wasted, A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia" by Marya Hornbacher? You kind of remind me of her, from your post--and I have read that book about ten times. She's a great writer, very impassioned and spells it all out. She's not a precious, darling, wide eyed ballerina (no offense, dancers...I was addicted to ballet for a while so I'm mocking myself as well) like most of the girls profiled in ED texts and stories. I relate to your post and to her book because the self-loathing that it takes to have an ED comes across loud and clear. (She sighs.) Why do we hate ourselves this much.
I also hope your post deters us from throwing up.
I do it from time to time, in between other behaviors. I will definitely think three times before doing it again.
thanks for sharing that.
Shortie